Newton's Universal Law of Gravitation
by Conspire
Summary: AU; Phineas and Ferb must struggle alone through the remains of their childhood after their parents' divorce separates them by an ocean. When they find each other seven years later they are both isolated- one through anger, the other through silence- and Ferb takes on the mission to pull Phineas free from hole he dug himself. P/F
1. Chapter 1

The years after Linda and Lawrence's divorce had not been kind to Phineas. The bonds he'd shared with his step-brother were severed when the boy returned to England, and without the stabilising force of Ferb to keep him focused he found himself growing less and less able to complete the large-scale projects he was used to. He began to feel himself squandering his potential, with made him angry at himself and then at everyone else. His intelligence was beyond any of his peers, but the pressure mounted more and more over him until it closed over the top of his head and trapped him beneath. It made him sick, prevented him from touching anything that looked like a screwdriver before it brought up too many bad feelings. Too many happy memories that were tarnished retroactively by what he'd failed to preserve.

He was eighteen when he moved out, after only just scraping together a high school diploma. He knew all the answers despite having not picked up a textbook, but his attendance and conduct had been so poor that he'd almost been dropped before he could sit a single exam. Candace and Linda were terrified but neither had been able to reach him. He was too friendly to them, perfectly willing to listen and help them feel at ease right up until they left the room. Then everything went back to normal and nothing was solved.

He was walking through the streets, hands in his pockets and head ducked. It was a crowded Saturday, which was what he wanted because it was easy to lose yourself in a mass throng of people. He wore ripped jeans and a torn-up band shirt, had studded armbands around his wrists, and he'd shaved the sides of his head. He'd enjoyed the punk look- it encouraged people to leave him alone unless they wanted the same things he did- but he didn't take it far enough to really stand out in a crowd. Once again, this was something he wanted.

Without a single change in expression or body language, he slipped a hand into a taller man's pocket and lifted his wallet. It was hard to make ends meet when your only source of money came from the black market. The pay was very hard to predict and not always as good at television would lead one to believe.

/

Ferb's life hadn't exactly been peaches and cream when he was pulled away from Phineas, but he wasn't exactly what one would call struggling with life. When he returned to England with his father he threw himself into his school work to try and block out how much it hurt to be without the younger mastermind. Phineas was always a guiding beacon for where he could plant his inventive roots. It resulted in an early graduation from secondary school, and early graduation from rather prestigious university he doesn't name because he doesn't care for the questions it brings.

He also doesn't name it because after he was out of school, where being verbal was almost always forced, he stopped speaking unless it was absolutely necessary. The only person he really cared to talk to often was Phineas, and without him, he didn't see a reason to.

When he left home, it was with lots of understanding hugs from his father. He watched his son become a recluse without Phineas, so when Ferb wanted to go back to seek him out, Lawrence never did a thing to stand in his way. When he arrived, he had a few odd engineering jobs here and there, but he kept losing them due to his 'lack of people skills'. Either way, he never seemed to get any closer to Phineas.

It wasn't until recently that he had managed to kind of land a stable job. It was more that it landed on him than anything. A man approached him outside of a grocery store one day with explicit knowledge of one too many details about his life and the offer of a job that didn't care whether or not he was willing to mingle with coworkers. He accepted with a nod. Since then, he only left his studio apartment when he needed supplies or food, or when he was searching for Phineas.

His searches were listless nowadays. He peered into stores here and there, hoping he'd see him with friends, or alone. As months went by with nothing to show for it, his hopes waned. Now he just wandered. This didn't mean that he was unaware.

When he started unofficially working for the CIA he was still informed in no uncertain terms that his identity was incredibly important to protect. He was taught what to do against attacks, he was given some very terrible instructions on what to do if he was every captured, but mostly, he was taught how to protect the easiest piece of his identity - his wallet.

His hand snapped to the one clasped around his wallet, rolling his eyes a bit as he spun around and yanked the offender forward to twist his arm behind his back. He didn't use nearly enough force to wound him, it would barely be uncomfortable - just enough to make him drop his wallet. It was crowded enough that it was difficult to see what was happening. Nobody around them reacted and instead bustled around like nothing was going on.

/

Phineas' voice hadn't changed much, even after puberty, so he yapped like an angry terrier. "Hey! Watch it! Assault!" The wallet was dropped and he attempted to wrench himself free, so focused on trying to get away that he didn't take in the face of his mark. He'd been caught but it wasn't a huge deal- the manic twisting was due to necessity, not panic. He could still escape into the crowds before the police were called and it wasn't like this hadn't happened before. Juvenile detention probably wasn't even that bad, if the overnight cells he'd spent time in were at all similar.

His wrist was very skinny, like grabbing at a bundle of twigs. He wasn't healthy and forgot to eat often, which was half of the reason why his eyes were so sunken in and pink.

/

Initially Ferb wanted to just shake his head and walk away, but as soon as his would-be robber spoke, he let go of his wrist and instead grabbed the young man's shirt. He knew that voice. His throat tightened as his fist held onto the unfamiliar shirt on a very familiar build. He hadn't spoken in a while, so his voice was going to be a wreck, but he had to be absolutely sure. "...Phineas...?" His voice came out in a partial whisper, not used to existing anymore. He was afraid to force it too much. He found himself building a wall against the devastation he was inevitably about to feel when the young man turned around, and it turned out not to be the person he was hoping for. This was the first time he'd come this close to thinking he had him.

/

Phineas' hands came up in defence as he was suddenly dragged forward, and his high voice snapped, "Look, assho-!" Then he looked up into the man's face and realised who he was. His face fell in shock and his eyes darted between both of Ferb's as he took in what was standing in front of him. His expression broke into utter joy. "Fer-herb!" He threw his arms around his brother's shoulders and gave him a hug built on years of loneliness and pining. His grip was so tight that the muscles in his arms trembled, though he wasn't strong enough to hurt the bigger man. "Where the hell have you been?!" His voice was rough too, though not for the same reasons (Phineas would never have a problem with talking too little). It was rough enough to squeak when he got excited, and he was like a mad ferret as he pulled his older brother into the tightest hug he could manage.

/

The man finally looked at him and confirmed exactly what he suspected. He tore down his wall against the oncoming pain, because there wouldn't be any. Phineas was here. He didn't even care (yet) that Phineas had just tried to pick his pocket or that he called him an asshole. It was a feat for Phineas to get his arms around his shoulder, since Ferb was so tall now, so he rewarded him by leaning down as he threw his own arms around him in one quick motion, pressing the short punk into his front. All at once he had so many things to say to him, but he held them all in. Right now was dedicated to making sure that this wasn't a dream, and he'd found Phineas at least, and he wasn't about to wake up to his dull apartment ceiling. He decided to forego words in favour of burying his face in Phineas' shoulder. This was all he needed right now.

/

Phineas clung with joy as a thousand feelings rushed through him, most of them overwhelmingly positive. He'd missed him so much and feeling Ferb's warmth made a thousand old, happy memories rush through him. His fingers clung to the other boy's jumper and he pulled himself tightly in. "Boy have I missed you! Oh man! Let's get outta the way, huh?" He pulled back and gave Ferb a huge grin. He looked more and more like Dr. Doofenschmirtz every day with the way his posture slumped and his eyes sunk in, but he still had a bright spark behind it. Grabbing Ferb's wrist, he tugged him out the way of the crowds and into a small alley so he could get a better look at him. "You look great!" After a pause he swept his eyes up and down Ferb's frame. "You got huge! Oh!" He scurried out into the thronging crowd, then returned with Ferb's wallet. He tossed it back to him without a trace of guilt- deliberately. "You dropped this."

/

Ferb took in the overwhelming feeling of being wanted again and let Phineas drag him wherever he wanted to go. When the got to the alley, away from people, and Phineas returned with his wallet, he offered him a smirk in return. He filled his lungs with a breath and prepared to speak. He hadn't felt this full of conversation in years. His voice came out quiet and a little breathy. "It wasn't the important one. That one you won't find." He was also taught the importance of deception. He planted a strong grip on Phineas' shoulders and sighed in a relief that had eluded him for years. His calm face twitched a bit and betrayed how much this meant to him. It also betrayed his concern. Why was Phineas pick pocketing?

/

Phineas was still grinning broadly, his hand coming up the moment Ferb's touched his shoulder to give it a squeeze. "What?" he laughed, but pressed no more on the subject. Phineas never forced Ferb to explain himself or waste words, at least not unless they were talking technology. "How have you been, Ferb? How was England? How come you came back to visit?" Then his own expression twitched and the light faded from his eyes, though his smile remained, "How come it took you so long? Oh!" He thumped his own palm and stood up straighter. "Perry'll be so glad to see you!"

/

Ferb made a mockingly offended face. "You're the one who left home. Linda didn't know where you were." His own smile slowly faded to fully take on his concern. He felt strangely tired from talking so much, but there was a lot to be said. "Phineas, are you okay?" He had a lot of questions, but they all boiled down to concern for his well being. For now that question would have to suffice. The talk of Perry brought feelings of warmth to him, and he'd be very excited to see him, but he'd have to wait until he could sate his fears for his lost brother.

/

Phineas nodded and waved in dismissal. "Sure I am! Hey, you wanna go get coffee or something?" He was full of excitement- brimming with nervous energy to see his long lost brother after so long apart. He didn't know what to do with himself and this didn't feel like reality. It was too similar to so many idle daydreams but he was so, so pleased to be living it anyway. He didn't even try to respond to Ferb's comment about his mother. Much like how he'd dealt with the rest of his family, he avoided all difficult subjects and refused to talk about them, as smoothly and unassailably as bamboo taking on high wind. "But seriously! Answer my questions- what've you been up to?" He took Ferb's arm with both of his and gave him a big smile, hugging up to his side as the back of one hand briefly came up to scrub under his nose with a sniff.

/

Ferb sighed again. Phineas was obviously not going to answer him, but Phineas was never one who could solve his own problems when they got to him like this. It usually stressed him out until he let Ferb handle it. So somehow, he'd have to find out what it was and handle it. Until then, he would leave it alone. "I moved here... hoping to find you. I was starting to think you'd left town completely..."

/

Phineas began to drag Ferb down the alley and into a quieter street. It was the sort of place run by poorer, family-owned stores where you could get mediocre coffee and good atmosphere cheap. Phineas knew a couple of the owners by name now. He continued to witter happily as he pulled his quieter brother down the sidewalk, and pressed this close he smelled of sweet, non-tobacco smoke. "No way!" He looked up at Ferb and gave him a more weary smile, the happiness in his eyes dropping away beneath the surface of the water again and leaving his happy expression empty. "Why would I leave Danville? One city's the same as any other, right? Though I guess it'd be pretty cool to see Paris again..." As he pulled a mocking thoughtful expression he tugged Ferb into a threadbare little cafe. They were hit with the smell of homebrewed coffee and stale pastries.

/

"Hm... Paris." Ferb had been again recently, on a very interesting commission challenge that involved air ducts and lasers, but beyond that, he wasn't privy to the particulars. "It's not gotten any better honestly. Budapest though, that's somewhere you'll want go." He followed Phineas into the cafe with a bit of a forced smile, glancing around the place and taking in the atmosphere. "Was this place always here?" He asked. His voice was getting stronger as he was continuing to exercise his vocal chords. It took ages for it to get so forced, but it was taking just moments to clear. Phineas was opening him up again.

/

Phineas cocked his head to one side with a strange expression on his face. "What?" He sat down at a table and counted out some change from his pocket. The place looked more like a shabby living room than a restaurant, with board games and books stacked on shelves in one corner. "Budapest? That sounds awesome." That light was fading fast, through envy and a bitter sense of inadequacy, but he kept smiling because it was hard to attribute any bad feelings towards his brother. This felt too good despite everything- he wanted to bask in finding his brother again for as long as possible before numbness and anger closed in over his head again. "I think this place had been around since we were kids, but I only started visiting after I moved out. Oh hey Marie!" A waitress approached and he gave her a friendly smile. She gave him a tolerating one back, but it wasn't hugely happy to see him there.

"What can I get you both?"

"I'll just get a regular. Ferb'll have breakfast tea with milk and sugar on the side- in those little cubes? Thanks!"

/

Ferb grinned as Phineas' order for him was spot on. Despite that, he sent the woman a bit of a warning look in return for her displeasure with Phineas being there. Still, he couldn't exactly blame her. Phineas' first interaction with him for years was stealing his day wallet. On that note, he plucked that wallet back out of his pocket and shoved Phineas' money-gripping hand back towards his chest. The grip on that wrist was firm as a way to keep him from complaining. If Phineas was tight on cash there was no way he, as the big brother, would allow him to waste it on tea, especially tea in the states. It was pricier here than it was back in England, even if it was the Americans' fault in the long run.

/

Phineas looked at him in surprise at the gesture, but smiled and pocketed his cash. With a flourish of a shrug he grinned and leaned back in his chair, resting a foot on the opposite knee. "If you insist! So I guess you wanna know what everyone's up to, right?" He barely waited for an answer before diving straight into an explanation. As he scrounged up his memories he ticked off his fingers. "Buford and Baljeet got into the same college and they've moved away during term time- it's awesome! Baljeet totally took on Buford as a pupil and he's doing seriously well- Baljeet's taking math, duh, and Buford's taking history. I think he likes learning about cool wars and stuff. So him, right?" He snickered and carried on; "Irwin's taking community college nearby but he's got a bunch of projects on the go and I think he's got a blog... and all the Fireside girls are scattered around and I have _no_ idea where they all are. And Isabella..." He paused and drummed his fingers on the table, looking briefly sad. It washed over him in a subtle, sudden and undeniable way that drained all the colour from him. "She's still hanging around. She's helping her Mom out with the family business, but she's going away to study in Mexico next year." In a flash he left it behind and changed the subject. "And Candace is getting married to Jeremy next year! Isn't that great?"

/

Ferb felt a tightening in his chest when Phineas finished his story. Everyone was in it except for Phineas himself. He knew there was a reason, but he wasn't sure if there was an easy way to ease it out of him. "And you?" He asked, simply. He didn't need anything else. Phineas was always great at reading what he meant, and nothing would ever change that, he'd hoped. Phineas was important to him and he didn't want to just slide back into his life without doing something about the pain he was in. There was most definitely pain there, and he'd uncover it if it killed him.

/

Phineas avoided Ferb's eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. With an awkward laugh he started, "Me? Well I've been pretty good! I mean, I graduated high school and things're going okay. I still make stuff and sometimes I sell my inventions to kids in the neighbourhood- it's fun! I've got my own place, I've got Perry, I've only been in a jail cell like twice so we're good!" He gave Ferb a cheesy grin and two thumbs up. He knew he'd fucked up but he'd be damned if Ferb was going to worry about him. "But that's not the point- tell me what you've been doing!" He kept pressing for Ferb's stories- anything to get them off the subject of himself.

/

Ferb's eyes narrowed just a bit. "Phineas..." He sighed his name. He didn't comment on the jail subject, because he'd been there once before, even if it had been a misunderstanding about planting bugs in a senator's office. He was bounced by nameless colleagues, and they continued whatever mission they were on with the bugs that weren't found (a good seven out of nine - they didn't hire Ferb because he was useless). Still, it was a different matter entirely here. "You can't seriously expect me to skirt around this. Do you suppose it's normal to stumble across your long lost brother after at least a solid year of actively searching by having him pick your pocket?" He took a quick breath when he finished, feeling winded. This was definitely something he'd have to get used to.

/

Phineas' eyes darkened but he waved off the comment with a smile. "Don't worry about it!" The waitress returned with their coffee and tea, set everything down, and left them be. Phineas scooted his coffee closer to his chest and took a couple of sugar cubes for it. "A whole year of searching?" He laughed Ferb's name sweetly; "Ferb, I'm not hiding- where were you looking? Behind Mom's couch? Oh and hey-" He leaned forward and gave the air in front of his brother a poke with his spoon. "Even if you won't tell me what you've been doing, at least tell me how Dad is. He's okay, right? He wasn't too sore about what happened?" Lawrence was, at least in Phineas' eyes, still his father.

/

Ferb fought an urge to yell, mostly because it would probably hurt. He also wasn't ready to lose Phineas after just getting him back. He took a few short breaths and looked down at the table. "He's fine. Doing lectures at Oxford and such. I think he has one in Surrey this week." He pulled a phone (given to him by his 'employers') from his pocket and checked a few things. "We keep in touch via email... He knows I don't like to talk much." Yet he spoke almost freely for Phineas. It was odd how he felt closer to the shorter redhead than he did with his own father. The full truth was that Lawrence had been quiet himself, and the emails were generally preferred over phone or video chatting because Ferb had learned to find emotion in his voice and his face. His father wasn't exactly sad, per say, but he held himself accountable for Ferb becoming a recluse. He wasn't exactly wrong, since it was his decision to leave the country, but he couldn't really blame him.

/

"What, you?" Phineas smiled and tilted his head with a cheeky grin. "The Ferb I know doesn't need to talk- he's a man of action." He could see how weighed down Ferb had gotten and wanted to reach out to reassure him that the world wasn't that bad. Optimism was worth the effort and no matter how difficult or lonely things became, there was always something out there to look forward to. Unfortunately he couldn't quite convince his throat to vocalise those half-truths. "Mom missed you too- I know she wanted to call but, you know, it was hard to keep contact with you and not him. I guess she didn't wanna seem like a crazy person, you know?" He sipped his coffee and gave a short laugh. "Next time you see her, give her a really big hug from me, okay?"

/

"I gave her a hug when I went to her searching for you, Phineas." Ferb said bluntly. There was a heavily implied fact that Phineas should hug her himself, but he didn't have to voice it. After all, like Phineas said, he was a man of action, and his eyes could do that for him. He reached for his tea, stirring in one of the sugar cubes and taking a sip of it. The tea reminded him of home. A very expensive home. Stupid three dollar cup of tea. He dropped his eyes to the table. "If I take you to my flat, will you talk to me?" he asked. His years in England brought him back to using English terms instead of the American ones he'd grown used to using by Phineas' side. It reminded him that he'd left, and it was strangely painful.

/

Phineas slowly, visibly deflated under Ferb's look. He looked down and to the side, then cleared his throat. "Um... okay?" There was a pause where he took a deep breath, then he continued with a more desperate smile, trying to convince Ferb that it was a real one. "I tried looking for you too, but I couldn't get the funds. Or the tech! Do you know how hard it is to pull together a working transatlantic aircraft with no money and no handyman? It's impossible!"


	2. Chapter 2

Phineas wasn't looking forward to seeing Ferb's apartment because whatever it was, it would be better than where he lived. Ferb's clothing was nice and smart so he probably had money now, and he knew that his brother had always been tidy enough to take pride in his living arrangements. He didn't want to see how much more together his closest friend was. Still, it was better than admitting the guy into his own home and displaying all of his dirty laundry (literally).

They were walking down the street, Phineas with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched despite his happy chattering. He wasn't even talking about important things anymore- just documenting the history of the town since Ferb had left. He was telling Ferb about the mayors that had come and gone, the new districts that had developed and what had changed in the old ones. It was all taken in and organized by his active, superb mind. "Remember that old Mini Golf place? It finally shut down! It's a Starbucks now, but in their defense it's a really good o- wait up!" He grabbed Ferb's arm and made them both stop in their tracks. "We gotta go to my place first! Perry!"

He still knew nothing about the platypus' secret life- to him Perry was still a dumb animal that didn't do much. But that didn't matter to him. He anthropomorphised that creature so much that he might as well have known everything about Perry's secret agent job for all the life and personality he imagined he had.

/

Ferb's eyes finally found a light again when Phineas mentioned Perry. It wasn't exactly farfetched to think that Perry might have died, because it had been a while, and animals could get sick easily as they got older. Hearing that he was still about made Ferb feel incredibly happy and nostalgic. For a platypus who didn't do much, he certainly was a healthy little guy. He let Phineas pull him wherever he wanted to go and he knew what to expect. Phineas had a cluttered way of doing things, a sort of messy organisation, and he assumed it would be endearing walking into Phineas' home. His mind was always everywhere, and his mess matched how well he was doing. It was an odd thing, but at least Ferb knew how to read it now.

/

Phineas led Ferb away from the wealthy end of town, then away from the poorer part of town. As they walked the walls soon grew entwined with graffiti and the shops signs turned away from the English language and began to speak in their own foreign tongues- Spanish, some Eastern European, some Chinese. Sirens became a more frequent noise and cracks appeared in the pavement. They had never been allowed this far from their home as children. This area of Danville was poverty-riddled and rife with crime, but rather than feel frightened of it, Phineas had become a part of it. The people they passed started to match his tired, stooped look and he never gave a second glance to the hooded men huddled in alleyways or the harpy mothers screaming at their kids up on balconies. "Ignore the mess," he turned to give Ferb a bright but guilty smile, "I don't think street cleaners come up this far. I dunno, I never checked."

They made it to a small two-storey block of flats that had once been a motel. It, too, was laced with graffiti tags and peeling yellow paint, but Phineas clattered up the tin stairs and began grabbing for his keys in his pocket. "Okay, brace yourself for a huge mess. I was totally gonna clean up but I had no idea I'd have guests!"

/

Ferb's stride as they entered Phineas' area became very steady and quiet. Of all the places for Phineas to be living, this was not what he was expecting at all. He was on his guard, but he didn't exactly look it. It just seemed like he was strolling leisurely like he had been, but if there was one noise too loud he doubted he could stop himself from leaping to Phineas' protection. That would, however, involve some explanation he really didn't want to get into. Instead, he just walked closer to the younger male and kept his ears alert.

It was a relief when the reach Phineas' home without incident, but he honestly didn't feel much better as they climbed the stairs. Why was Phineas living here? He was very small (at least in comparison to Ferb), and god knew who else was living in a place like this.

/

Phineas picked up the minute changes in Ferb's expression and gave him a friendly elbow. "Hey, don't worry about it! Everyone here is completely harmless." He stuck the key in the lock and gave it a firm shake before unlocking, then stepped into the squalor of his home.

It was dark until he turned on the light. The curtains were drawn and they let no natural sunlight through. There were piles of dirty laundry caving in on themselves in each corner of the main room, with dirty plates and empty takeout boxes poking out from under every surface. It was nothing that would cause illness, he had no pathological inability to take care of himself, but he was clearly scatterbrained enough to never bother tidying. The worst of the clutter was made up of unfinished projects, strewn tools and scrap metal. The hollowed shells of laser pistols, strange-looking cannons and even regular guns littered the place, intermingled with empty whiskey bottles, cigarette burn holes and - perhaps worst of all- multiple fist-shaped holes in the plasterboard walls. But Perry's litter tray and food bowl were spotless.

"Huh..." Phineas wandered in and kicked a pair of boxers out of the way. "Where's Perry?"

/

Ferb felt something sink in his gut as he finally made it inside. He found himself deciding right then that Phineas was, once again, the most imporant thing in his life, and he had to fix this. He took in the weapons, and the illegal alcohol (even if it took a moment to remember that it was, since neither of them were allowed to legally drink in the states yet), and he took in the evidence of the pain that Phineas had inside him. The holes in the walls made his chest ache.

Perry's disappearance aside (it was far from uncommon, even if it was a little suspicious), he moved around the mess after making sure the door was locked and threw his arms around Phineas again, pulling him tightly against him. He should have been there for Phineas, but he wasn't. He should have called, but he was too stuck in his own misery to bother. He thought Phineas was fine without him. He should have known better.

/

"Woah! Ferb!" Phineas was easily yanked to Ferb's front, and he loved it. His skinny arms wound around Ferb's waist and hugged him back, though far more casually. "Don't read too far into this- I've totally been meaning to spring clean." It felt so good to be hugged by his big brother again. It was firm and warm and surrounded by his surprisingly strong arms he felt safe and afloat for the first in a long time. Something akin to butterflies clung to the walls of his stomach and it made his eyes fly open in horror. There was no way he was going to feel those sorts of feelings for Ferb. Jesus Christ, did he have to sleaze up everything?

He didn't have a chance to let the magnitude of those new feelings sink it. There was a rustling noise from the bedroom and Phineas pushed away from Ferb's clutches. A thin young man emerged from the bedroom wearing fine male jewelery, tight jeans and one of Phineas' shirts. It wasn't difficult to guess that it belonged to Phineas- it was striped and similar to the one he wore when they were children. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a final puff on what was definitely a joint. "Not interrupting anything, am I?" he asked, his voice cat-like and effeminate.

"What the hell are you still doing here?!" Phinas turned bright pink and barked at the other boy. "Is that mine?!"

"It was..." He gave the two boys a playful smile and pinched out the end of it. Then flicked it into an overflowing wastepaper basket and walked towards them to leave through the door. "Don't worry, I'll skedaddle if you want some privacy."

Phineas stormed forward and grabbed the man by his collar, shoving him back into a wall. It wasn't painful, it was barely even violent, but it was a sudden power switch that shouldn't have been in him. "Hey! That was twenty dollars worth of pot, you jerk!" His bare arms were taut with what little muscle there was on him. The boy looked at him with numb, high surprise before shoving $20 into his hand.

/

Ferb had to still himself when the stranger shuffled out, but he could recognise the signs that Phineas knew the guy so he didn't make any attempt to go after the man. His amount of force would be terrifying. As terrified as Ferb was feeling at Phineas' display of anger. Slowly he walked over to Phineas' side and took his shoulder to peel him away from the stranger. "I think perhaps it's time for you to leave," he said. These were his first words to someone who wasn't Phineas. He could have said the same with his eyes, but the words held more weight and were less likely to be ignored. His first step towards helping Phineas would be to get rid of some of the bad influences, and he couldn't imagine this guy being anything but bad.

/

The guy stepped away from the two brothers with his hands held up. "Okay, okay. Easy boys." He gave them both a salute, turned away, and swayed out of the front door. The door clicked shut and he was gone, the sound of heels on the tin walkway signalling his departure. Phineas seemed completely fine after the argument and pocketed the money. A flash of green caught his eye. "Oh! There you are, Perry!" Perry waddled out from the bedroom with a chitter, making an ambling line straight for Ferb. Although his eyes were as vacant as always, he settled himself down on Ferb's foot and lay there, a rumbling in his small body betraying how happy he was to see him again. "See?" Phineas grinned at Ferb, scooping Perry up and pushing him into the other boy's arms. "He really missed you!"

/

Ferb took a moment to forget about what he'd just watched happen, taking Perry into his arms as instructed and hugging him to his chest. All at once he was thirteen again, and Perry somehow knew he was having a bad day when nobody else did, curling in his lap like he knew he needed company that wouldn't ask questions. He always had a feeling that Perry knew more than his blank eyes were letting on. But it was always something he chalked up to coincidence. He blindly petted the creature in his arms and raised his eyes back to Phineas. They weren't kids anymore.

"Phineas, we need to talk."

/

Perry shuffled in Ferb's hold, getting comfortable and purring his little heart out. Despite the squalor Phineas lived in, Perry looked extremely healthy, well-exercised and well-fed. The only sign that he was growing older (and he was still in his prime for a platypus) was slightly shaggier hair and some tiredness in his dopey expression.

Phineas raised his hands. "I know, you said that already. You want anything to drink?" He stepped away from his brother and walked to the kitchen nook, going through cupboards and reaching for high shelves that forced his shirt to ride up over a boney set of hips. "We could order takeout if you're hungry!" He accidentally kicked a bottle to the sound of clunking glass and spent a few seconds chasing it around the tiles before depositing it in the bin. He didn't like being in here with Ferb's judging gaze. He felt very naked and scrutinised.

/

Ferb's arms twitched around Perry as Phineas skirted around the topic again. He scruffed beneath Perry's bill and carefully set him nearby on the couch apologetically before moving back to Phineas. He grabbed his wrist and tugged him away from the cabinets, taking a breath to speak again. "I don't need any food, I don't want anything to drink. I want to know what happened to you, Phineas." His hands gripped Phineas' shoulders with a hint of desperation. "You know I'm not one to tell any secrets you share with me. I don't have anyone to tell."

/

Phineas looked at Ferb in shock at the sudden handling, then the uncharacteristic anger built behind his eyes. He gave Ferb a bug-eyed squint before snatching himself away from his brother's grip. "Okay, first of all there are totally no secrets to tell. Nothing _happened_, okay? There wasn't some car crash or traumatic brain injury or death in the family that made..." he gestured around the dark room, "This happen. It was just the natural order of things, and I don't want to talk about how much that sucks." He plucked a takeout menu out of a drawer and shoved it against Ferb's chest as he walked past, going over to the couch and lifting Perry onto his lap as he fell onto the cushions. "So do you want Chinese or what?"

/

Ferb winced as Phineas walked away from him, catching the menu and staring at it with a hint of his own anger. But it was at himself. None of this would have happened if he hadn't left, or if he called. It had been seven years since they had any contact at all. He should have been there. It was his fault. The mantra ran through his head a hundred times before he set the menu on the counter and moved to sit beside Phineas on the couch. He said nothing and stared forward at the messy floor, clinging to his stoicism for as long as he could. Eventually he checked his watch and turned to Phineas. "...So what are we going to do today...?" He asked, voice falling back to the quiet forced one he used when he first found his brother again.

/

Phineas glanced over at his brother with heavy, empty eyes. Perry was tucked under his chin and rumbling softly, sleepily, and he was clinging tight enough to the animal's fur that he could feel the little mammal's heartbeat and fragile bones. He was like a floppy hot water bottle and he'd seen Phineas through a lot of bad nights. "... I don't know. I don't get those big ideas anymore. I mean," he shrugged, a finger stroking against Perry's head, "sometimes I do but I just... can't figure out how to pull it off. Sure, the schematics work on paper but there's always a catch or some zoning law or... something. Mom's already dragged me out of one jail cell- I don't want to actually go to prison for real."

/

"You have someone else who can drag you out now." Ferb said without warning. It was short and sharp. Something he wasn't used to being. He figured the best thing right now was to help things back to the way they were. Then Phineas could finally smile again. That would be his job now, with the occasional pause to handle a commission in a manilla envelope.

He swallowed hard as he realised that his employers might not take well to the fact that he was out making connections. Still, he was sure it would be easy to work around. He rarely went on the actual missions. He was just the scouter. Nobody would care if he reconnected to his brother, right?

/

Phineas gave him a dry smirk. "Great! Though I don't think they'll count you as a legal guardian, especially since you're not my 'real' brother anymore. Hey," he looked up, momentarily distracted with his rodent-like attention span. He let Perry get off his lap and go wander around. "You don't think Ian- that guy who just left- stole anything, do you? ... Nah. He probably wouldn't know what was valuable." He rubbed his chin and looked around anyway, then snapped to attention. "He stole my shirt! Damnit!" He didn't seem terribly upset, just annoyed as if he'd lost a game. With a sigh he turned back to Ferb and gave him another squint. "So what have you been up to? You haven't told me anything and it is _so_ not fair to judge me for the way I live if you're doing even worse."

/

Ferb's eyes went a little wide and he turned a blank stare at Phineas. He really couldn't fully talk about what he did. "I have an efficiency flat uptown. I do commission work." He looked back down at the floor and then his fingers. "I graduated early because I didn't talk to anybody. I hit university immediately after to get it out of the way." His fingers twitched under his gaze. "I don't like to be idle for very long. I had one job in England, but they let me go due to a 'refusal to interact with others'." He took a tired breath. "The people I work for now don't expect me to be social with anyone. They just expect me to work quickly and efficiently."

/

"Wow, that's great, Ferb!" Phineas hated how well Ferb had done and began to resent his brother for it. But he was also truly happy that his best friend in the world was okay- it was an odd mix and both sides of him were sincere. To try and smother his darker side he lunged at Ferb and hugged him around the chest. He desperately wanted to feel Ferb's arms around him again, for the safety they provided. "You totally deserve it! I always knew you'd go to college early!" He'd always thought they'd go together. "So who'd you work for? Some shadowy government organisation whose name you dare not speak aloud?" His arms snuggled tighter, trying to grimace away the envy.

/

Ferb's arms lifted as Phineas threw himself around him again. Slowly, they descended again and encircled the smaller male easily. Being in this position made it easier to hide his unease. He wasn't allowed to tell anyone the work that he did or who his employer was. He wanted so badly to tell Phineas everything, especially since he'd just told him that he didn't have to hide any secrets. "I wish," he said, very good at lying now. "No, I just get emails for commission work. I decided to go for that instead of some company expecting me to speak to people and smile." He paused. "It's been at least a year since I've spoken to anyone..." He paused, and he felt a bit nervous. He needed to get the subject off of himself. "So..." He said, not moving his arms from where they landed. Phineas had to know he was all right with what he was about to say. "Ian, huh. I suppose that explains why no Isabella...?" He tested the waters.

/

"A whole year? How is your voice box still working?" Phineas wriggled against Ferb to get himself into a more comfortable hug, his sharp corners and rattling bones uncomfortable to sit with until he found a way to slot himself in. "It sure is good you found me when you did! Don't worry, buddy, I'll do the talking for us both."

Then he paused and went stiff in Ferb's hold, suddenly feeling like a liar for hugging another guy without outing himself first. He didn't know whether to slip gracefully out of Ferb's hug and act normal or stay perfectly still and hope to go unnoticed, but since he'd only just settled down he supposed keeping still was the better option. His voice came out dull and muffled by Ferb's chest as he turned his face away. "Uh... you're not freaked out, right? I know you're way too polite to say if you are but... like, I had no idea until I was already _dating_ Isabella, so it wasn't like I was hiding it from you on purpose."

/

Ferb shook his head. "You weren't hiding it from me because I didn't see you for seven years." He hugged him a little tighter. "And I am so, so sorry about that." He cleared his throat. "And it's less that I didn't speak at all and more that I chose not to let anyone hear me. If I didn't speak at all, I wouldn't have a voice." He smiled sadly at him. He generally gave himself a word or two to say to the silence of his room, always quiet but enough to keep him able to speak. He'd keep to himself that the word he chose was usually Phineas' name. That was just sad and embarrassing.

/

Phineas clenched up in Ferb's hold and spoke with a certain amount of curtness in his voice. "Don't." He didn't want to hear any apologies that would take away his right to be furious, and he didn't want to face those seven lonely, addled years. Instead he changed the subject with some forced, sad humour in his voice. "And you might not want to go near Isabella for a while - it was three years ago but she's still really mad at me, and I think she might get mad at you too just for being in the same vicinity." He finally slipped back out of Ferb's arms and began picking up some mess strewn on the carpet. He bundled up dirty socks and underwear, kicked a torn condom wrapper under a chair, and kept himself busy while they talked. It was like navigating a minefield- he didn't want to talk about anything too dark but they did need to catch up on one another's stories.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Oh man, actual Author's Note this time- I forgot the last two updates. Think that makes things rather cold. Hope you guys are enjoying this so far! I apologise for taking these characters and running off a cliff with them (and I'm sure my rp partner feels the same :P).

Ferb pulled his feet up off of the floor, curling into a lanky ball on the couch. He watch Phineas clean for a moment and then thought back his own three years before. There, in his memories, he found a little bit of himself he wanted to share with his brother. "It really isn't a big deal," he said, looking at his fingers laced before him. "After all, I had crush on my Introduction to Robotics teacher for the time I studied under him." He went a little red and sunk into the couch. "I should clarify, not actually under him." He cleared his throat again before glancing down at Perry, who'd been toppled onto the cushion next to him. He squinted at him with an ounce of playfulness in his eyes. "Don't you look at me like that."

/

Perry chittered, barely blinking, in response. He was on his back and his tiny paws made idle swimming motions in the air, like he wasn't aware he'd been flipped. Phineas laughed hard at his brother, each bark squeaky and breaking in his dusty throat. "Ferb! Wow, maybe it's just something in Danville's water, huh?" He grinned at Ferb as he began collecting bottles, clinking glass following him around the apartment. Tucked away behind the bedroom door, not visible from the entrance to the flat, was a large chemistry stand with a dozen twisting pipes, clear vials of different, specific sizes and littered with notepaper. It fit right in with the rest of his tech-junk covered apartment. "Did you two everrrr..." He raised a cheeky eyebrow and looked Ferb dead on as he tossed his collection into the trash.

/

Ferb's colored deepened even further, and with a flail of indignation, he tossed one of the throw pillows at the redhead. "No, I did not. I was barely sixteen and he was my teacher, I wasn't in any hurry to get the subject of my affections arrested, thank you." He shuffled down into the cushions again and crossed his arms. "He was it though... I didn't bother spreading my feelings around. I was alone and I... I liked it that way." That was a lie. He was miserable, but there wasn't anyway he would admit that to Phineas. It felt cruel to admit sadness when his life was going well.

/

Phineas hooted with laughter and ducked the projectile. "Ferb! Careful!" He leaned his pointy elbows against the kitchen counters and spoke from there, abandoning cleaning as his brother distracted him. "So you've never?" He spoke in an over-the-top playful manner, digging into Ferb's life to truly figure out how much the boy had grown and changed. He gave him a toothy grin and a shrug, seeing if he'd be privy to such information. "I mean I was fourteen the first time I did. One of the Fireside Girls, on a field trip, I smuggled beer into camp."

There was a hint of bragging in his voice. Not because he hadn't been alone - spiritually he had been- but simply in a jerkish, shallow competition on who had gotten laid first. He had precious little to be proud of anymore beyond his adventurous spirit. And, sadly in a darker way, he could tell that Ferb was miserable and just for the smallest of moments he wanted to let the guy wallow in it. Not for long- he loved Ferb more than anybody else and wanted him to be happy- but that monster of anger and bitterness still controlled his basic human nature. Ferb had abandoned him, after all.

/

Ferb's flush left his face, and he instead sat quietly with this new information. He was only two years gone and Phineas was already slipping. He sighed. "No. I've never." He said quietly. "It didn't feel like it would accomplish anything. I was never in deep enough to grow past idle fantasies. I didn't let myself fall that far." He stared at one of the holes in the wall and tried to avoid looking at Phineas. He was already trying to ignore the training he'd had forced on him that allowed him to note micro expressions and file them away with what they mean. Phineas was strutting, and Ferb was going to do what he could to ignore what that meant.

/

Phineas' eyebrow twitched at what Ferb said, knowing that he was being criticised but swallowing how much that annoyed him. Still, some possessive part of him was actually innocently pleased that Ferb hadn't been stolen by someone else, and he felt relief wash through him. Ducking his head and letting out an unseen smile, he then raised it up again and continued. "Aww, well you aren't missing out on much. And that guy you met- he and I aren't together or anything. He just lived a couple of buildings down; we're just friends. Or, uh, acquaintances?" Phineas' inherent niceness shined through for one brief second, "He helped me record some findings once- we're friends. Oh hey!"

He trotted past Ferb as he punched his palm. "You'll love this! Check it out!" He shut the bedroom door to bring his chemistry set into full view, presenting it to him like a used car salesman. "Remember how, when we were kids, we could never quite pull together the perfect chemistry set? Even with all that material? Well here she is!" He crouched down next to her to fiddle with some of the large tanks beneath the metal table. "I know she's bare bones but it actually has zero refining problems! Even better than the stuff we added to our old secret lab that one time! That old thing had a 0.001% imperfection rate, right? Everything we synthesised would always have some contaminants. Well this one doesn't let any foreign bodies in at all!" He glanced up at Ferb in childish excitement, the old Phineas returning for a moment.

/

Ferb slowly stood and ambled towards the chemistry set, eyes wide and childish for the first time in years. For a moment, his pants were too high and his shirt was tucked in. His glasses were gone, and he was much shorter than he had been. He went silent with just a small smile and simply let his eyes feel around the equipment. He wouldn't touch it unless he had permission. He'd veered mostly to mechanics and computers as he aged, and to see that Phineas had taken up an end he hadn't kept with roused his need for them to team up again.

But his job would probably dislike that. All at once, the child in him died. They wouldn't like that his attention was so divided now... but fuck them. Phineas was family, and he was more important than his job. It was fleeting anyway. "This is amazing."

/

Phineas grinned up at him, truly looking for his approval with dying, tired eyes and nodded. "Thanks! It's all locked up so Perry can't get in to something he shouldn't," he explained and grabbed a padlock clamped onto one tank, giving it a good rattle as punctuation. "And I'm pretty sure my landlord or someone has a key to this apartment because at the start it kept getting... I dunno, sabotaged or broken?" He shrugged. "Whatever, it's stopped now. You're doing Robotics, so I'm guessing you've gone into physics or neuroscience or biomechanics?" He popped upright again and stood in front of Ferb, relieved to be back on territory they knew. And no matter how miserable or irritated Phineas might be, he would never compete with Ferb over science. They were a team, and he would never lose that part of him.

The reason the chemistry table had been sabotaged was due to Perry. If Phineas wasn't watching he tried to dismantle the damn thing but Phineas had adapted each time and unwittingly made it harder and harder to break. By this point it was bolted to the floor and practically invincible, and usually when Phineas went out now he shut Perry in his bedroom with the litter tray, food and toys. Breaking out would cause too much suspicion so he'd been forced to let Phineas make drugs.

/

Ferb's brow creased a bit. "Why would someone break in and sabotage it? That's odd..." He shook his head and ignored it. "I majored in engineering, so physics was a must. I seconded in computer sciences, and I wanted to take a bit of chemistry, but... I didn't have the room." He felt tired as he looked at the set for a moment longer. "What reason would anyone have to dismantle it? It's a beautiful piece of work, I mean unless you're doing something you shouldn't-" He paused and frowned further. If Phineas had been doing something he shouldn't have been doing, and someone was messing with his work, it was either someone who was trying to keep him from messing with whatever they were doing, or someone trying to protect him. If it was anybody savory, there would be police involved. He turned an eye to Phineas. "How many people do you keep in touch with...? Who actually care?"

/

Phineas did look shifty when Ferb brought up the innocence of his experiments and slipped an advanced book on chemistry over some research notes as he spoke. "Uh, Ferb, I moved out _because_ people were caring. I don't have anyone like that here. Except for Perry." He nodded over to Perry, who was now sleeping in a ball on the couch. Phineas moved swiftly on to try and stop Ferb from dwelling too close to something dangerous. "She is beautiful, right? It took years to scrounge up all the parts and I had to do so much digging to find a way to invent a way to take out all the impurities!" He stepped up to the contraption and ran a gentle thumb over a twisted piece of tubing. She was currently lying dormant, empty and spotless apart from the lowest selection of vessels, which were dripping clear fluid into the padlocked tanks. "I'd patent the procedure but knowledge should be free. You and I both know that."

/

"Yeah..." Ferb squinted at the set for a moment longer before slowly glancing out the door at the sleeping platypus. It wasn't out of the question that he had gotten into things he shouldn't have. Once again, he ignored. This could easily be explained by the fact that Phineas'... friend had easy access to his apartment somehow. He could always be to blame. Still the investigative side the CIA had churned in him was staring back at the chemistry set. "Who else knows that you have this...?" He walked away from it and began scouting windows and any other means someone might have found a way in. He would deal with Phineas doing unscrupulous things with a lab set later, once he knew that his brother was safe.

/

Phineas watched Ferb stalk his apartment and folded his arms. "Uh... Ferb? What's with the secret agent act?" Growing more defensive by the second, he began to bristle and answered bluntly, "A couple of friends, but they've never touched it- seriously Ferb, it happened months ago! Calm down, will ya?" Eventually he stormed over and gripped Ferb by the shoulder, at the very least to force his hackles down. "I'm not stupid- that's kind of our whole thing- and I know that anybody who does know about it isn't smart enough to know what it does!"

/

Ferb let a brow raise as he looked at Phineas, tilting his head down so he could look at him over his glasses. For a moment, he looked like his father. His next question was nonverbal, wondering exactly what the lab set was for. It was a pretty easy assumption, since even as he himself aged, he saw no reason to make things without a purpose, especially using such dangerous materials. In his short search, he'd found the place decidedly sturdy for being such a low budget apartment, and he was sure that Phineas was to blame for the greater majority of the precautions. Still he kept his gaze on his brother. There was a reason he wasn't being very forthcoming, and he was going to find out what it was.

/

Phineas stepped back with a look of shock when Ferb suddenly transformed into Lawrence and it whipped up a thousand unpleasant feelings. It hit him with enough dissonance to give him the courage- or stupidity- to try and talk his way out of it. Raising both hands and ducking his head with a grin, he backed away as if he was doing Ferb a favour. "Okay, I know that look. You're probably thinking that I'm doing something wrong or dangerous, or taking some shortcut that we both know exists to try and speed up production or..." One hand flapped idly in thought. "... increase output. I get it! But don't _worry_ so much. It's just basic chemical tests. Now!" He clapped his hands together, straightened up, and walked with deliberate casualness over to his kitchen. "Why don't we bust out some vodka and have a fun night in? It'll be great! You've been to college- you've gotta tell me some fun stories!"

/

Ferb followed Phineas out with a roll of his eyes. "Or maybe we can order take out, and you can learn how to be the most boring person in all of the universities in all the world." He grinned at him and tilted his head a bit. "Phineas really. I don't have any interesting stories, I'm afraid." He paused and looked to the ceiling. "Although there was one time in one of my computer science classes I accidentally unleashed a virus throughout the entire school set of computers. We had an early end to the semester, and everyone was exempt from final exams." He grimaced at the memory. "Except for me. I was graded on how quickly I fixed the problem."

/

Phineas gave him a weak smile as he pulled out a bottle of vodka and two glasses- both which he wiped down quickly. "I handed you the menu- pick something." He liked it when Ferb said his name. He never tended to- Ferb economised his words and it was rarely necessary to address the person you were speaking directly to. To hear his name spoken was another proof of their intimacy. Ferb's story made him laugh. "Nice! You sneak!" He poured out a small helping of alcohol and slid it down the counter to him. Then he did the same for himself and put the bottle away- proving his innocence with the chemistry set by proving his innocence elsewhere. "How the heck did you manage to unleash a virus anyway? Were you programming one?" Unbeknownst to the two boys, Perry slid off the couch and into the bathroom.

/

Ferb stared at the alcohol for a moment before sighing and taking a short sip with a wince. He'd hit legal drinking age only a few months before leaving for the states again, so he'd certainly enjoyed a good bout or two at the bars (by himself or, on his birthday, with his dad), but he hadn't done so since he'd moved. Phineas would probably be a pro given how many bottles were strewn about the place. "They honestly were asking for it. We were given the task of dismantling a program quickly, and... well there wasn't actually a faster way, and they were the ones who offered their filing system for the assignment." He went a little red and rubbed his nose. "How was I meant to know that they only wanted us to describe the code?"

/

Phineas laughed- just the same musical, childish one as it had been years ago- and gave him a punch on the shoulder. "Ferb! That's awesome!" He knocked back the fifth of vodka with a flick of his head and then set it back down on the counter, sliding it down to the sink with a small movement of his wrist. He'd poured a round for Ferb's sake- he didn't see much point drinking so little. "You always were a rebel!" One foot kicked in front of the other as he leaned against the kitchen counter, lounging with a grin and fitting in well with his squalid living quarters. "So did you graduate top of the class? I mean, you have to have done right?"

/

Ferb glanced at the floor and nodded. He didn't like how he kept talking about how successful he'd been, even though he didn't feel like it. All he'd done while he was in that school was make sure that he polished off every skill he'd ever needed to use when he was with Phineas. It was subconscious at first, but then he realised why he chose the majors he did. It was always for his lost brother. Things would be the way they were again if it killed him. "What..." Oh god, he wasn't sure if he wanted this answer, but he was just as curious about Phineas' life as he was of his. "What sort of thing are you doing now?"

/

Phineas beamed with total innocence at Ferb's answer. He was so proud of his brother for coming top, because it wasn't his brothers skills he was envious of, just his good fortune. Ferb deserved to come in top and he could have leapt across the room in a single bound just to give him a congratulatory hug. Then the question came his way and that beam turned into a dry smirk, tinted with loss and a noiseless sigh. "Stuff. I passed high school with top grades in everything I cared about, but I had so many marks against me that I almost didn't make it to graduation." With an overly-casual shrug he breezed over his first failure and described the others. He could feel his face flushing with embarrassment and bad feeling as he continued, "I've had jobs here and there but I just can't _focus_ on anything long enough to put up with flipping burgers or working a register. Eventually Mom got so worried that I moved out here, and sometimes people come to me asking for a weapon or... definitely legal substances... and the cash they pay me is enough to keep rent on this place." Eventually he gave Ferb a guilty grin. "It's not what I imagined I'd do when we were kids, but there are still adventures."

He slipped a finger into one of the spiked wristbands he wore and unclasped it, then did the same on his other arm. Tossing them into the mess of the rest of the room- the studs made them irritating to wield indoors- a distinct tattoo was finally visible on one arm. It was an equation-one he and Ferb had gotten a lot of use out of in their childhood projects. A small, lacy algorithm that spanned his forearm, it described the force of gravity. More literally, it described the rate at which objects fell.

/

Ferb listened to Phineas' story, and stared at the tattoo for a moment, understanding instantly what it meant and its double-edged sword of a meaning. He looked at his drink and took a long swallow of it, wincing at the sting. "'Definitely legal, huh..." he said, eyeing over where the lab set was. "You should go back to school you know. I'm at least doing something I like to do, even f... the goals don't appeal to me as much as they did when we were young... You do great work in here. You... I could help you find somewhere better to experiment, there has to be a better place for you to be..."

/

Phineas followed his gaze to the lab set and it reminded him to time the reaction currently running on it. He still had a while before he had to mess with it. At Ferb's suggestion he let out a much hoarser laugh than he had before. "Sure, Ferb! That'd be awesome! I bet every college in the country is fighting tooth and nail to welcome in a student with no cash and barely any grades! I'd love to go back to school, but for some stupid reason I don't fit into the real world anymore," he waved his hands in erratic, irritated gestures as he kept his voice level. He wasn't raging yet, but Ferb had nicked at a delicate patch. "I haven't spent seven years forgetting that I'm smart!"

With a pause he folded his arms and rubbed at the space beneath his nose, eyeing the lab set again as Ferb offered to help. "... I guess that'd work, but it needs to be close enough that it's always on hand, you know? I don't wanna spend all my time running between a studio and my house- especially since there's so much waiting around."

/

Ferb narrowed his eyes. "I really don't mean to insinuate anything, but you could have easily qualified for anything you wanted if you applied yourself." He sucked in a breath. He didn't mean to sound so harsh, but Phineas' tone struck a nerve. "There are plenty of scholarship opportunities you could ace if you just... left this place. It's like you've dug a hole for yourself and you don't want to crawl out of it." He looked into Phineas' eyes. "There are so many ways you could be in a better position than where you are, I don't understand what's stopping you. Nothing ever stopped you, Phineas. Nothing."

/

At first a look of shock, even fear, passed behind Phineas' eyes. Then a dark cloud descended and it turned to rage, his nose curling in a snarl as he stalked forward. He shoved Ferb hard in the shoulders with the strength and confidence of someone used to getting into fights. "You can't just disappear for seven goddamn years, then show up here and act like you know everything that's happened since you've been gone! How... how fucking dare you drop me like roadkill the second you're out of sight, then tell me that the reason I couldn't hold things together is because I never applied myself!" He thumped himself in the chest. "I DID apply myself!" His body language grew larger and larger, legs spreading and shoulders rising, as fury overwhelmed him. "I tried everything I could think of to attend and pass those lousy exams but I couldn't keep track of them for more than a couple of minutes before everything just switched off! Sure, I've dug a hole for myself but at least here there's nobody to talk down to me like some fucking Royal Highness just because I'm not living up to his expectations- and if crawling out of here means I get to spend more time in such prestigious company then I think I'll stay right fucking here!"

He wheeled around and slammed his fist through the wall-adding another hole to the collection- then tore it free in a small haze of dust. "And don't act like I was the only one working on all those cool projects when he were kids," he turned back and snarled, pointing at Ferb accusingly, "You were there too and you meant _everything_ to their success."

/

Ferb went still as Phineas went off on him, barely even budging when the shorter male shoved him. His body had gone into a sort of defense mode, but it wouldn't shift to offensive at ay point with Phineas. He was too important. "I am not talking down to you, Phineas." He inhaled sharply. "Do you think I don't realise what I lost when I left? I have no aim anymore, I just do whatever the envelope says and call it a life, but it is a clever rouse at best! You have all of this potential and all of these plans, and I have all of these skills and no motivation, I have nothing to aim for beyond making sure my brother is happy again." His breathing was a little laboured. "Do you know why I can still speak? Why I still have a voice even though I haven't spoken to another person for over a year? Because I spent every day rehearsing what I would say to you if I ever got to see you again. I am not talking down to you, I am screaming to you from the next hole over, now please, tell me what I have to do. How do I fix this?"

/

Phineas was still tense and his body was still furious, but since Ferb gave him nothing else to fight against the anger began to dissipate. His hands were still balled into fists, his shoulders were still rock solid, but he simmered down enough to think. He rubbing a hand over his bruised fist before turning to his chemistry lab and stalking over to it. It was time to collect his findings and he wasn't going to let an argument get in the way of that. He crouched down to the tanks, took a key from his belt, and began to unlock them. "If you realised what you'd lost, you should have called. Or emailed! I mean, Christ," his voice was lower now, but no less venomous. "I wanted to talk to someone who wouldn't interrupt and you're really good at that."

He brought up a small tincture of clear liquid and placed it over a bunsen burner, watching it fire away the water until he was left with a powder. He kept his eyes on his hands as he spoke. "If you wanna help out you can grab a clipboard and take notes." Now that he was left with a fine powder he shook it out onto the table and shaped it into two lines with a square of card.

/

"What are you doing now?" Ferb asked, following him to the chemistry set. Despite how he was feeling, his hands mindlessly did as they were told, finding a clipboard and a pen from the mess on the floor out of habit. "I never called because I thought for sure you didn't need me! You still had everyone when I left, I had no reason to think you wouldn't have any support. You could do everything I could do, and you had all the ideas- Phineas, stop!" He eventually noticed specifically what those lines of powder looked like and dropped the clipboard, grabbing Phineas' hands and looking him in the eye. "Look at this! Look at yourself for a moment, please!" His hands were shaking.

/

Phineas' jaw set as he listened to Ferb's excuse, but was so focused on shaping the powder on the table- deliberately- that he jumped when his brother suddenly took his hands. "Hey!" He yanked his hands back. "Don't even talk to me about support! You and Dad just walked out and never bothered to talk to me again- even with Mom and Candace, how do you think that made me feel when I was twelve-freaking-years old? Support system my ass," he snapped as he rolled up a dollar bill, "And don't get all bent out of shape- this isn't cocaine. Do you know how bad that stuff is for you? I'm only taking it like this because, well..." He gave his nose a playful tap, despite the low mood of the room. "My nose is good for something after all."

/

"I know how badly I messed up, Phineas! I know I should have called you, I should have done anything I could to get back to you, but I was afraid of not being good enough! I know this is all my fault, okay, I know it is, which is why I need to fix it now, or I'm not good enough at the one thing I need to be good at, and that's caring about you! Working with you, making you smile- now, stop, please." He grabbed Phineas' hands again. "Why do you need this?"He believed Phineas when he said the stuff was safe, but there was no reason in his mind that Phineas should be using anything, despite whatever it did. So many things had changed, and Ferb was just now realising how trapped in time he was.

/

Phineas gave Ferb a dull look and raised an eyebrow, but didn't pull his hands immediately away this time. He felt flutters in his stomach at the kind things Ferb was saying, flutters he wanted desperately to mean something else, but he'd lived in this place too long to let them get the better of him. "I don't need this specifically- this is just the latest in a long line of tests." He raised his eyes to the ceiling as he came up with an explanation that worked, finally settling on one and fixing Ferb again with a mildly frustrated frown. "Look, Ferb, ever since the day we met you've been my best friend. You mean more to me than anyone else in the whole world- even Mom and Candace and Isabella and everyone don't come close- and this is the first time in years I feel even kind of happy. And I mean real happy, like when we were kids. But I can't trust that you're gonna be here... you know that, right?" His expression flickered to be more apologetic, making it clear that he wasn't just saying this to hurt his brother. "For the past year- almost, I think- I've been trying to synthesise something that'll make my brain focus on tasks the way yours does. Or the way normal people's do really, but you were the model. I used to just score Ritalin off a guy behind the bike sheds at school but for some reason it hardly did anything. Hopefully this stuff'll be more potent! And... not addictive. So far I've been pretty lucky, but I guess my sinuses are starting to hurt."

/

Ferb held Phineas' wrists tighter and steeled his expression. "Well you won't need it anymore." His hands shivered again, and he slowly pulled Phineas forward into another hug. "I'm not saying stop testing or trying. Find another means of administration, find a better means of testing besides endangering yourself, let-" He paused. He was about to suggest letting him try it, but he couldn't be under the influence of anything giving his employment. His employers sent him an angry letter if he took caffeine pills too often. "...Let me be your energy again. Okay? I won't go anywhere."His hands moved from Phineas' own to his shoulders. "My focus is here, after all."

/

Phineas was pulled against Ferb's front and let himself be hugged. His frail body could be felt relaxing just a little and he let out a shaky breath. "I can't test it on you, don't be ridiculous!" he said into Ferb's shoulder, "I have no idea what an amphetamine of this strength would do to a guy who already has your attention span!" He pulled back, looking a little happier. "I have energy," he laughed, "I just need you to be the one to keep me focused, okay? And I'm sorry, but there isn't really a better way to take this stuff- I've done dozens of clinical trials; taking it orally, using a vaporiser, even using a syringe a couple of times but I hate needles, and this is just the fastest, most effective way. Think of it like a superpowered nasal spray."

Now that they had calmed he finally gave Ferb the relaxed smile he had all those summers ago. Patting the hands on his shoulders, then giving them a friendly squeeze, he did his best to crush any traces of fluttering affection he was feeling for his older brother.

/

Ferb dropped his head in a slight relief, but the powder was still there on the table. "I will keep you focused. I will do whatever you want me to. Just... stop taking this. Whatever it may be. Please." He finally looked at him in the eye. "Nothing like this is ever perfect, and I don't want to see anything happen to that nose." He offered a smile at his attempt at humour. "Please?" He swallowed a nervous lump that his throat took on. He'd been speaking for much too long, and he was starting to feel dizzy. His throat hurt.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Happy Independence Day guys (I'm British, so no day off for me :( )! Hope you like the next chapter. We might soon reach the limit of what's actually been written, but if updates slow down they will be replaced by another fic that might help keep people busy while we get on to writing more :).

"Ferb..." Phineas rubbed his hand up and down Ferb's shoulder with a look of gentle apology on his face. "I don't wanna say that I don't trust you but... things change. Right? They changed when we were kids and they'll change again. I need a permanent fix for this. If I can find something, anything, that'll stand up to clinical trials and medicate me enough that I can work my way out of this I have to take it. Do you know what it's like to have a thousand awesome ideas but be totally unable to finish them? It sucks! And it's killing me!" He did his best to grin, and if he hadn't been battling a crush he'd already have taken the older boy's face so he could talk to him with more intensity. Instead he ducked his head under Ferb's chin and squeezed their hug tighter. "Stop talking - you're wearing yourself out."

/

Ferb nodded with a soft laugh about speaking, but he didn't let Phineas go just yet. He also had more to say, but he did need a break. He'd spoken more now than he had in the past year, and he would stop when he had said all he needed to say. All of it had piled up over so long, it hurt keeping it in. "I'll wear myself to strep throat for you if I must," he almost whispered, letting his voice have a bit of a rest. The remainder of his words were just as quiet. "I'll have to go home to do commission work, but I swear to you, every other waking moment of mine will be here with you. I'm not ready to make a liar out of myself yet, Phineas. Especially when it comes to promises I make to you."

/

Phineas nodded with a tired smile. "Sure, don't worry about it. You wanna get a coffee tomorrow morning? Say... noon?" The old Phineas would have asked to meet up far earlier, but these days he found it hard to roll out of bed any earlier. And those drugs weren't going to test themselves, so he was more willing to chase Ferb out than he otherwise would be, and planned for the chemicals to keep him awake longer. He gave him a tighter squeeze and then pulled back. "Besides, I don't have a spare bed and you do not want mine!" He gave Ferb's throat a playful rub with his finger, grinning cheekily. "No more speaking. Hey..." He squinted and looked around the room. "Where's Perry?"

/

Ferb glanced around for their smallest family and found him gone like usual. He was once again young and nothing was wrong. For the moment, everything was as it should be. He shrugged when he looked back to Phineas. The phone at his side buzzed, and he sighed and dropped his head back in frustration. He pulled it from his pocket and made a face at the screen. He had a project waiting for him at home. He sent Phineas an apologetic look. Still he found the pen he'd cast away and lifted it, taking it to the back of his hand and jotting down on his skin 'Phineas - Noon'. He gave his brother his smile again, always small and a little sleepy in his older age. He pulled Phineas back into one last, tight hug.

/

By noon the next day Phineas had made no attempt to contact Ferb, which was odd considering that they had traded numbers, emails and all sorts of other communication addresses necessary to keep in contact. Phineas was naturally chatty and clingy, so it was normal to assume he would call before they next met. The day was hot and bright, the ghetto district of Danville chatty and full of life, and Phineas' apartment block was screaming with loud rap metal music. When Ferb arrived there was an obese woman slamming her fist against his front door, yelling through it.

"Damnit, Phineas! Open the damn door! Turn down your damn music!" She looked about forty and didn't seem like a bad person. She seemed more like she tolerated a lot of crap from Ferb's little brother and was, as usual, taking matters into her own hands.

/

As Ferb neared Phineas' apartment block he had Perry seated on his shoulder. His morning had been incredibly interesting to say the least. The night before, he'd finished his commission easily. It was a simple job. Then, he slept as soon as he was done. He wanted to wake early and be ready for coffee, because at least when it came to visiting or staying with Phineas, he did not lie to him. He would continue, of course, to lie about who he worked for.

As would Perry, it would seem.

In the morning, the first thing he'd woken to was his alarm. A very dull, quiet beep was all it took. He was a light sleeper. Then, he walked to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. He changed into a comfortable set of oversized clothes, walked back out into his one room apartment, and there was Perry in the middle of the room. "...Perry?" What on earth was he doing there? He couldn't be here, he had to stay and keep Phineas company. The last thing he wanted was for Phineas to be fully alone. "You need to go home, Phineas needs you there..."

/

Perry wished he had the power of speech, some way to ease Ferb into the secret he was about to tell him, but unfortunately he only had body language and subtle expressions to put his thoughts across. He stood in the middle of the floor as the pet Ferb knew him as, then after a pause hung between them he drew himself up on his hind legs. His dull expression cleared to sharp intellect. He reached behind himself and pulled a hat out from nowhere, then placed it on his head and adjusted it until it fit. Then, finally, he pulled a small card out of a pocket hidden in his fur.

He walked up to Ferb with perfect ease, but with a look of sincere apology. It was regrettable that Ferb had to find out this way, and even more regrettable that they had spent almost a decade together with such a secret between them, but knowing that his plan to involve Ferb with the CIA had worked filled him with hope regardless. The card he gave to Ferb was his identification with O.W.C.A, an offshoot of the CIA, and once Ferb had looked it over he gave the boy a short bow.

/

The moment Perry stood, Ferb was still as a statue. For a fleeting moment what was happening wasn't actually happening, but as the gears began turning in his head, it was clear that a lot of questions he had from his youth were suddenly answered. 'Where's Perry' indeed. He took the card and read its contents before glancing back down to Perry and feeling a measure of warmth at that bow. Perry was trusting him with a very important secret that he obviously had never told Phineas, since Ferb knew he wouldn't have heard the end of it if he had. It wasn't like Phineas couldn't keep a secret, it was just that Phineas never felt the need to keep a secret from Ferb (that he knew of at least). He tilted his head at his old friend and slowly got down to his knees to be closer to level with Perry. He held his hands up as if to show nothing in them, and then produced a thin wallet from nowhere. Slight of hand was something he learned over time of being good with his hands and needing to be stealthy. It also did a handy job of keeping its location on his person a secret. He let the wallet drop open and showed him his CIA badge. For the photo, he'd had to cut his hair to a professional length, but immediately after, he was asked to grow it back out. Ferb complied mostly because he preferred it that way. He gave Perry a quiet, understanding smile.

/

Perry gave Ferb a smirk of knowing and a little nod, making it immediately clear that he knew what Ferb did. And immediately clear why. Another rattle through his impossible pockets and he drew out a remote, then waddled over to a small projector set up at the side of the room. He wheeled it to the centre and pointed it to a blank wall, then switched it on and settled back with his young ward. Glancing up at Ferb to make sure he was watching, he pressed the first button.

He ran through a few slides he'd requested off of Major Monogram. There were stills of his adventures in Danville throughout the years. It showed him paragliding, diving into volcanoes, and routinely evaporating the inventions Ferb and Phineas made each day before their parents could discover it. It explained everything. Then, once Ferb had taken those in, he pointedly began another. This was much shorter because he hadn't wanted to dwell on it too long. It showed what he'd been doing to tend to Phineas, almost like he was trying to prove to the boy that he'd been taking care of his step brother as best he could. It showed him dismantling his chemistry set over and over again in the night, licking his forehead during terrible hangovers and acting as a patient stuffed animal on nights were Phineas was in need of a particularly emotional cuddle.

Then, when it was all done, he turned it off and turned to Ferb with another look of understanding. His eyes held endless wells of affection for the green-haired kid. He looked at Ferb as if he were his son, loving every inch of him and wishing he could have been there during his pubescent years. There was so much he had missed out on and he wished he could communicate how much it had hurt to have not been present.

/

Ferb watched the presentation intently, finding himself grinning more and more as the shots from the past explained so many mysteries. The smile fell as the slides turned to Phineas' current situation. His muscles tensed, but he stayed the course and watched through to the end. It went dark and Ferb sighed, finally dropping his gaze. Every bit of him screamed that he should have been there already, and now that chant was a cacophony in his head. The look he returned to Perry was an apologetic one. Perry shouldn't have had to do all of that by himself. He shouldn't have had to do that at all, and he wouldn't have had to if Ferb had just... called. "This is my fault..." He muttered, forgetting for a moment that Perry understood everything.

/

Perry frowned and took gentle hold of his knee. It wasn't Ferb's fault- Ferb had been growing up with his own problems. Whether or not they had been as destructive as Phineas' wasn't the point, the point was that Ferb had been a child. Children weren't expected to save other children, and Perry tried to convey that. For a moment he looked sad. He hadn't wanted to see the kid join the government, but it had been the only way to dip his fingers into Ferb's life and stop him from turning out like his brother- he hadn't known what else to do. Finally he chittered and climbed up the boy's body, gripping his little hands in Ferb's baggy clothes until he was perched on his shoulder. He had originally only clambered up there to use Ferb as a mount, but before he could stop himself he had started purring and rubbing his head against the boy's. He'd missed him terribly. He remembered when Ferb was little, with his ridiculously high trousers and constant adventuring. At the time he'd been excited to watch Ferb grow up, to see the string of inevitably star-struck girlfriends and aced exams until he made it out of an awkward puberty and blossomed into a young genius. He'd missed everything, but at least Ferb had emerged just the way he'd always dreamed he would... just a little sadder than he'd expected. But that was fine, his purring implied, that could be fixed.

/

Ferb bit his lip and leaned against the nuzzling. It felt like a fatherly affection, something he'd not felt in a little over a year. It was a type of relation he'd missed, even if he and his father were constantly in contact with the older man receiving updates about all the things he was allowed to tell. He squeezed his eyes shut and lifted a hand to scruff the back of Perry's neck. He'd hoped that that didn't seem belittling in any way, since Perry was now clearly much more than just a pet. He'd always been family, but he wasn't some blank creature blowing in the wind of Phineas' storm of a life. He was trying to help. He was also getting old. He couldn't do very much for Phineas forever. Ferb had to be there. "We have to go to Phineas."

/

Perry gave Ferb an urgent chitter. He hadn't wanted to rush this intimate moment but he'd picked tonight for a reason. His humanoid hand pointed firmly to the door and silently begged Ferb to leave as soon as possible, because although he trusted Phineas not to poison himself short-term (he wasn't just throwing anything into his body) he was still doing harm to himself and it needed to be stopped. His beaver tail flapped with idle nerves and tapped rhythmically against Ferb's shoulder blade. Before Ferb could leave his apartment he whipped the hat off and resumed his look of a dumb animal, all his bones relaxing and making him into a warmer, heavier weight. It occurred to him that his life had changed permanently and that, finally, he might be able to have a real relationship with the boys he considered his children.

/

Ferb had attempted to catch a cab, but they refused to let him on with a pet so he'd power walked the full way there. At one point once he'd hit Phineas' area of town, a man had made an attempt to mug him, which was a poor decision as the man wound up unceremoniously tossed unconscious into a dumpster two alleys over from Phineas' building. As he walked up the stairs, he did indeed note the loud music, and he also noted the woman making a weak attempt to bust down Phineas' door. He silently walked up next to her, a good foot taller than her, with his hands in his pockets and a look of displeasure on his face.

/

The woman glanced up and down Ferb's body, lingering on the platypus riding on his shoulder. After a blink of confusion she squawked, "You his latest boyfriend? Get him to turn down his goddamn music before I call the cops! I've been hammerin' for hours! It's insane, is what it is! How does someone sleep through this shit?!" The fact that she wasn't deriding Ferb for being potentially gay put her above most denizens of this place, but she was clearly at the end of her tether. Phineas had put on an album almost ten hours ago and it had been cycling ever since- though the music was more screaming and driving guitars than anything else and it was hard to tell where one song ended and another began.

/

Ferb understood the woman's need to be angry, but he was still very defensive of Phineas. He didn't even spare the comment she made about boyfriends a thought and instead, squinted his eyes at her and pointed down the hall as if for her to leave. There was something about his command that said that the problem would be dealt with, but the overwhelming majority of him said to leave it alone. He could use his towering stature to be intimidating if he needed it. It was an overall change that affected how people reacted to him. It was something he learned to do in school to keep people from talking to him so he could get work done. It also gave the girls in school, his age or otherwise, the idea that he was some mystery to behold and a sort of goal, like a tree daring to be climbed. He was just a tree that was good at dodging advances and ducking into dark corners to keep from being followed.

/

The woman snorted and held up her hands in submission. "Alright, alright, beanpole. But if that racket ain't gone in ten minutes I'm bringin' in the police." With that she turned and made her way back downstairs, grumbling loudly as she disappeared into the apartment beneath Phineas'. Perry watched her go out the corner of his widespread eyes and made himself comfortable on Ferb's shoulder.

/

Phineas was passed out inside, but he had fallen unconscious with a deep sense of fulfilment that he had lacked for years. He was slumped over his coffee table, legs splayed to the side, with his head in his arms as completed projects lay scattered around him. Completed laser pistols and high-tech guns were the majority- shells he'd been meaning to fill for a while- but he hadn't stopped there. He had built a polished-looking play area for Perry in one empty corner that looked better than anything that could be bought for a cat, he'd knitted three sweaters and he'd even built two shiny new skateboards that stacked beside the front door. They had jet engines attached to them. It had taken his toll on him though and the backs of his hands were smeared in blood, as were his arms. He'd been repeatedly wiping away a nosebleed all night, and the remnants of this blood smothered the space beneath his nose. He also looked very pale.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the late update- I had to run a Dungeons and Dragons campaign yesterday. We have now caught up to all the chapters written so far and are working on new ones :) thanks for following! All the support this story's gotten has actually given us the kick to get back to the rp and continue working on it, so expect only minor hitches in the update schedule. We might go down to weekly rather than biweekly updates due to our completely incompatible timezones.

Thanks again!

Ferb waited for the woman to be gone before hurriedly breaking his way inside. He didn't have time to wait for Perry to offer a key if he had it, and it was faster for him to jimmy it open anyway. Once inside, his eyes fell upon Phineas, and he quickly lifted Perry from his shoulder and deposited him on the couch. "Phineas!" He didn't register that with Phineas unconscious, Perry could help. He dropped to kneel by Phineas and immediately checked for a pulse in a panic. He found it there, and he released the breath he was holding, gently hefting Phineas up off of the floor. He carefully kicked random piles of junk off of the couch and lay Phineas down beside Perry. He flew to the kitchen and found a towel, wetting it quickly with cool water before skidding to his knees by the younger male. Very slowly, he took the towel to the space beneath Phineas' nose, clearing the blood as best he could. There was a lump of something painful in his throat and it was forcing his eyes to go pink.

/

Phineas groaned in his sleep and batted an unknowing hand at Ferb. His voice was cracked and sounded parched. "Nghh, five more minutes..." The gentle cleaning felt good- not only was it physically nice but it made him feel wanted again. His eyes cracked open and gazed without focus at the ceiling, then blinked and opened properly to look down at Ferb. "Hey!" He looked thrilled to see him, but then his body crumbled and the hangover hit before he had a chance to really take a look at his brother. "Oh man... that thing's got a hell of a comedown..." He pushed himself upright, skinny and loose enough that his shoulder blades cut through his silhouette like the hackles of a hyena. He rubbed at his eye with the bloodied back of his arm and began to rattle as his bones shook. It was a violent, sick shudder that came from his physical body and not from emotion- he was trembling like someone was grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. "Can you pass me a clipboard? I've gotta write these symptoms down."

/

Ferb made a noise like he was in pain when Phineas woke and proceeded to ignore how terrible things had gotten. Phineas was breezing through this like it was nothing, but he was so pale and sickly, and there was blood everywhere. He wasn't taking this as serious as he should have done. Ferb couldn't take it. "Phineas!" He lurched forward and held those trembling shoulders still and against the couch. There were foreign and nearly never-before-seen tears welling in his eyes as he gave his brother a look of desperation. "...Please." He begged the redhead to let him finish cleaning him up at the very least.

/

Phineas looked at him in confusion, not helped by the incredible headache trying to tear his brain in two. "Woah dude, are you okay?" The vibrations in his body ran up Ferb's arms. "I mean, sure," he said, shocked, "Do whatever you want." Finally a flash of red caught his eye and he squinted down at his arms, rotating them in his vision. "Ohhh. Don't worry, Ferb, this sort of thing just happens- just a nosebleed." His voice was gentle and quiet, but just about audible over the screaming rap metal. It suddenly cut out and when Phineas looked over he saw that Perry had accidentally hit the power switch while rooting around near the stereo. "Oh, there you are Perry! ... Aaah..." He pressed a hand to his temple to stop the throbbing.

/

Ferb took the hand from Phineas' head and cleared it free of blood. "Just a nose bleed... Look at yourself." He was shaking as he let go of Phineas' hand and moved on to the next one. As he finally finished that hand, he pulled himself up to the couch and moved back to his face. One of his hands cupped the side of Phineas' face as he continued sponging away the crusted blood from his brother's face. "If you keep on like this, you will die... I can't watch you die. I refuse." He whispered, moving the towel away and stroking the side of Phineas' nose. His face was mostly clear now, but the towel left a reddish stain behind as the blood mixed with the water upon it.

/

Phineas let each hand go limp as it was tended to, avoiding looking Ferb in the eyes by watching his fingers. "Shut up," he muttered, not meaning to be cruel but not wanting to hear what was being said. He barely even meant for Ferb to hear it at all, but being so chatty and living alone meant that he was used to talking to himself. His hangover was awful. His head was pounding and he felt empty of all energy. Completely bottomed out, every joint ached, his eyes burned and he wanted to throw up but didn't feel like he could. His rattling frame would be swaying if he was standing.

He scrunched up his eyes when his nose was cleaned and tried to ignore the feeling of his brother's fingers against his face, but those fingertips burned with their gentleness and made his heart pound harder. "Nnf, Ferb!" He squirmed with no real thought, but opened his eyes when his nose was stroked. That was an odd feeling, but welcome. He was surprisingly self-conscious about his nose now that he was old enough to be aware of his appearance. It looked correctly proportioned for his face, and it was such an iconic part of him that to imagine him with anything less didn't seem right anymore, but he knew it was big. It was nice to have someone like it. "I'm not gonna die," he playfully batted at Ferb's hands with a sniff. "But I feel like I want to right now."

/

Ferb swallowed a scream and instead let out a frustrated sigh. "No. It will happen. I'm not going to watch you fall any further. I can't. This is killing me." He dropped his head to Phineas' shoulder and shivered with him. "Move in with me." He said, not hesitating in the least. The easiest way to ensure that Phineas was safe was to keep him as close as possible. He was more than ready to give Phineas as much room as he needed in his small flat. "You live with me again, we sleep in the same room, we wake up with each other, we work together on your projects. You tell me what you want me to do, and I will do it. We go back to the way it was."

/

Phineas' hands automatically came up to hold Ferb's head when it hit his shoulder. "Woah, woah! Hey, if that's what you want then we'll do it." He looked down at Ferb with a slightly mocking smile, refusing to admit out loud how much of a big deal this whole situation was. They both knew things were bad, it was just voicing them to the air that was a problem. "That sounds awesome! But can we wait in silence for about an hour before I pack? I need to stop the shaking." He was vibrating hard against Ferb, teeth chattering, and his body was very cold. Still he ran his fingers soothingly through his brother's hair and did his best to return him to a level of calmness. He didn't like that they were saying so much about their situation out loud- it made everything too real and filled with immediate consequences.

/

Ferb threw his arms around Phineas and very slowly and gently pulled him against him, leaning back so that the both of them were horizontal. "As long as you need." With that, he went silent as asked. He kept Phineas tucked closer to the back of the couch than the open air of the room. His arms were locked loosely around the redhead so when he was all right again, he could pull away. Ferb would wait until then.

He wasn't sure why he was being this touchy-feely with his brother. They'd never been this physical before, but for some reason this graduation to touch felt... right. It was easier for him to convey his feelings like this anyway. It was nonverbal and easy. It was clearly the next logical step, especially since he so desperately missed being this close to him.

/

Phineas didn't understand why Ferb was being so touchy, but he gladly accepted it. His body went limp as he rested with Ferb and his loose ligaments pooled against him, only moving to sniff and rub at the space beneath his nose. He was still exhausted. One finger stroked a patch of Ferb's chest in an idle, almost pouting gesture and after a few seconds he mumbled, "...I knit you a sweater." He did his best not to take advantage of this situation. His logical mind had already erased the moral issues of their brotherhood- Ferb was only his brother through the link of a dissolved marriage and no longer really counted- but he still knew that this was sick on some level. Trying to quell these feelings of attraction was easy so long as he was hungover and ill, but it would be harder to avoid once he felt right again. With Ferb's new level of touchiness he wasn't sure he'd be able to stand hiding this new, secret part of himself but by this point he was too strung-out to resist. He was slipping fast into real love.

/

Ferb ran his hand over the back of Phineas' head, smiling at the ceiling. "Awfully thoughtful of you, I've been needing another." He said to the air of the room. He gently sighed and rubbed Phineas' back. "Let me know if you need to be ill. I'll find you a bucket." He said, closing his eyes and breathing in a careful relief. There was a chance that everything would fall through, and Phineas would fall back into this same rhythm, but at least if it happened, Ferb would be there. He'd catch him and prop him up again, carry him to where he needed to be, just like when they were young. Things would be the way they were before if it killed him, and he was willing to postpone his work if need be. His bosses would understand his reasons, and he'd gained plenty of vacation time working with them for a whole year. He deserved one, for sure. A year of hiding and never missing a build or a mission meant he was pretty popular among his superiors. They owed him.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for the late update- we're actually churning out chapters pretty consistently but I had some Serious Life Things to look after this week and didn't have the space :(. Priorities, yaknow? But we're back! Enjoy!

Phineas woke up an hour later, but didn't quite make it all the way to the surface. With a groan he rolled off the couch, tugging himself away from his brother, and mumbled something about packing as he treaded around the room and dragged a bag from some forgotten corner of the apartment. He was still half asleep. His eyes were grey and sunken, he hadn't replenished any of the energy he had drained away the night before, and all he had the brain to pack were a few unclean clothes and a bottle from his kitchen counter. His very soul looked like it was dragging behind him and he was still hung over.

"Ferb?" His voice was whiny and helpless. "Can you get my toothbrush from the bathroom? Where's Perry?"

/

Ferb had gotten up as soon as Phineas did, and while Phineas wandered around aimlessly, he'd started getting everything prepared for boxes. He'd let Phineas rest while he went to get those, but until then he tried to shadow the shaky young man, picking up things Phineas had missed and putting them in neat little piles. Anything that was trash was tossed in a trash bag. At the request, Ferb gave his half brother a nod and left to accomplish the task. "Perry is wherever Perry goes when we lose him, don't worry. We're not leaving him behind." He disappeared into the bathroom and grabbed Phineas' toothbrush, but he also organised any soaps or shampoos to be ready to for packing. He returned to the Phineas' side with the toothbrush and worried gaze. He tilted his head to catch Phineas' eyes. "I can do this, you know. You should rest."

/

Phineas' eyes were like a bloodhound's, gazing up at Ferb's from hooded eyelids without reflecting much of any emotion. His mouth managed to form a smile. "Don't worry about it, Ferb. This is all research for the after effects of that stupid stuff." He tottered on, stripping the couch of cushions as he hunted for a crumpled pack of cigarettes. "I guess I should name it!" Despite the excited way he spoke there was no real volume and no real force behind it, but even at his deadest he couldn't stop wittering. "Man, I can't even remember what I put in it; it's making my head hurt. Hey, what would you name something that's kinda like meth but so not meth?"

Then he flopped against Ferb's shoulder, turning around to bonk his forehead against his collarbone. It was half an excuse to touch him- he was warm and firm and safe, as he always had been. "Something catchy."

/

Ferb watched the top of Phineas' head as he spoke jovially of the drug that could have been killing him. "Something along the lines of 'the solution I'm not allowing in my home'." He said, keeping a bit of the humour there to make a point. He didn't move as long as Phineas was on his arm. He was still, a pillar of unmoving support, but he was soft. This was a feat given his job-related muscles, but he could relax enough to feel like the tall, lanky man he appeared to be. The boy Phineas had many good years with before life decided to rip them apart. Ferb sighed and moved his arm enough to wrap around Phineas' smaller shoulders. "This move isn't just to get you out of this place, Phineas."

/

"Mm?" Phineas raised his eyebrows in question enough to be felt against Ferb's shoulder. "You want a live-in housekeeper too?" He chuckled at his own joke, and it squeaked out into a tired sigh. "I can do that."

He rested against that warm chest a little longer, then pulled back with a little sway on his feet. Reaching down and picking up one bag, hugging it to his chest like a stuffed animal, he pinched the bridge of his nose and steadied himself. "Okay- wanna go? I'm hoping you've got a really comfy couch."

/

Ferb let out a ghost of a sigh. "You're moving in to get better. And I'd let you clean, but there really isn't much cleaning that needs to be done." He hefted the bag away from Phineas and onto his shoulder, replacing it with his arm so he would still have something to hold onto. He'd come collect the rest of the redhead's belongings when Phineas was sleeping. He didn't bother responding to the couch remark. He most certainly had a comfortable one. On occasion, missions would tire him out, and he wouldn't want to bother making it up the stairs. Unfortunately, that was where the decor of the living room (and really the whole flat) ended. There was a large work desk (which he'd be giving to Phineas; Ferb could work anywhere), a computer, and couch downstairs, a bare minimum stocked kitchen, and upstairs was a booksholf and a bed. He stored gear in his closet behind a false panel, so his place was going to look incredibly boring. "Let's go."

/

Phineas gave him a confused, slightly pissed-off squint at the implication he had to recover at all but was too weak to fight. With an over-the-top casuality he laced his hand into Ferb's and let himself be led out with only a brief glance over his shoulder at the place he was leaving. It didn't matter to him that he'd slept in his clothes and that his scuffy, half-shaven hair was sticking up in every direction. He'd left the house in worse states.

"So what's your neighbourhood like?" he asked as they walked, feet trailing behind him. "I guess it's pretty good, right?" His hand was gripping tight, maybe a little too strongly in nerves and a renewed sense of inferiority. Every now and then a finger would give a lazy, sick twitch.

/

"It's quiet." Ferb said, leading him away from the apartment. "It's also small. Efficient for me. It should do you some good as well." His hand was warm, and despite the whirring feelings in his head, it didn't shake or give any sign that he was effected by the touch at all. Just that it was accepted.

He'd undergone some intense training to be able to hide how he was feeling. It also helped that his personality was already muted. There were things you didn't discuss with family. Maybe he'd be able to tell Phineas about some things later on, but right now, for Phineas' safety, he couldn't know anything. For Ferb's sanity, he wouldn't learn the taller man's feelings ever.

/

Phineas rolled his eyes, or he tried to but it made him too dizzy to finish. "I'm fine! I'm already feeling better! I got a whole bunch done, and I feel pretty great despite the hangover- you don't need to try and make me feel better, or try and fix me or whatever it is you wanna do." He gave Ferb a grin, though this time it didn't reach his eyes, and his grip slackened.

As they passed to a nicer area of town he continued to twitter. His voice was chirpy, almost happy, but it had a little edge to it. "I'm totally happy to hang out and take your couch, do all the stuff we used to do when we were little- I'm really excited to finally do stuff again! But I don't need you , yeah?" He immediately looked guilty and tried to backpeddle. "I mean, not in that way at least." With a big grin he bumped shoulders with his big brother. "Glad to have you back. You know?"

/

Ferb gave Phineas a soft, pained look. "I'm not fixing 'you', I'm fixing my mistakes." He kept that grip on Phineas' hand. As they neared his complex, in occured to Ferb that he remembered his own home incorrectly; while he'd not taken any great pains to make the place feel homey with furniture or electronics, he had taken the time out of a missionless day to paint his walls. He'd painted them a colour he'd been missing in his life. He'd painted them red. Ferb's face began trying to match that tone as he opened the front door. "We'll have to take the elevator up to the fifth floor." He usually took the stairs, but he wasn't about to make Phineas take that walk. He'd carry the redhead first.

/

Phineas immediately barked, "I'm not a mistake!" He went red too, starting to inflate with anger as his small body tried to make itself look larger, but his attention span was too short and it snapped up to see the fancy elevator. "Ooh, nice. Okay!" It was automatically him that punched the button and despite his own misgivings he bopped up and down on the balls of his feet as he waited for the lights to change. He finally noticed his brother's face.

"What's with the blush, Ferb? It's not like your apartment is more embarrassing than mine- you probably put your underwear in the laundry basket. Hey, you'll have to show me where that is because I have so much laundry to do."

/

"I didn't say you were a mistake!" Ferb immediately fired back, harshly, but not loud. His voice wasn't ready for that. The elevator ride was mostly quiet. It was a clean elevator, avoiding looking sterile by having mirrored walls with stained wood accents instead of a coat of paint. The rest of the building was just as nice, and it read a bit like a decent hotel with offices instead of welcome counters.

When Phineas mentioned his face, he barely contained the colour from growing deeper. "...I missed you, is all." He said, not offering any further explanation. The elevator dinged to let them out, and Ferb took Phineas' hand again, leading him down the hall. He shuffled the bag off of his shoulder for a moment to unlock the door and let Phineas inside.

/

At Ferb's snap Phineas gave him an angry huff, ready for a bicker but not truly wanting to jump into a fight. However, that desire was rising as he saw what a nice place this building was and realised just how much better Ferb had done alone. It wasn't enough to make him snatch his hand away though, and he took it with the same loving care that Ferb instigated the hold with as they walked together to the apartment door.

He stepped inside with a gasp. "Ferb! Holy fucking shit!" He gaped as he looked around, spinning slowly on the spot at the impeccable apartment. None of the sterility was a surprise- he knew what his brother was like- but he'd not been somewhere so elegant since their adventures as children. He threw himself onto the sofa and bounced for a moment on its cushions. It was hard to tell if he'd deliberately forgotten to take his boots off or not. "I can't believe how nice this place is! And you've got it all to yourself, right?" It was entirely possible that he was going to trash this place as a subconscious act of revenge.

/

Ferb let himself calm down as Phineas seemed to miss the significance of the colour of the walls. "Just me and the occasional moth. It was lonely otherwise, so I'm happy you're here." He'd have conversations with those moths. If any of them knew english, they had a lot of secrets in them that he didn't want anyone to know, but they weren't about to go spilling anytime soon. He wandered over to his work bench, large and empty. Beside that was a box of miscellaneous bits and bobs that gave no hint to what his projects actually were. Those specific parts weren't kept where someone could find it easily. "We can focus your projects here. If they need more space, we can move the area rug and use the floor." He gave his brother a soft smile. "You think you're all right to head upstairs? I can show you the bedroom if you'd like. The bathroom up there's where the shower is anyway."

/

Phineas' eyes lit up at the work bench. "That's great!" He leapt over to investigate, immediately pulling out the box and going through the useful scraps and pieces that Ferb had squirreled away. He went through them with busy yet expert hands, tugging things out to examine them before putting them back away. It was assumed that he could be this invasive- they'd always shared everything. "But they're not my projects, they're ours! You said we were a team." He craned his neck up to give his brother a big grin.

There was a flash of something catty when the bedroom was mentioned, like he was biting back and automatic jokey flirt, but then he nodded far more innocently. "Okay! Help me up, would you?"

/

Ferb wordlessly found Phineas' side and took his hand and elbow to help him off of the floor. He had no trouble with Phineas nosing around through everything. There was nothing in this apartment that Phineas could find that would point to anything. He had to hide everything well enough when his landlord thought he was breaking rules and had people come in and inspect the place. 'Pest inspection' indeed. Ferb knew better. Fortunately for him, this meant Phineas was safe to be in his home. The less he knew, the better.

Ferb lead Phineas by the hand up the stairs, ensuring he wouldn't fall, and walked him inside. There was no door, since he lived alone, and the hallway simply ended in the bedroom. The bed was a full size. There was the bookshelf to the left of the bed, and the bathroom in front to the right of the stairs. "It's a bit blank."

/

"Well sure!" Phineas looked arouund, as enthusiastic as ever. "That's just how you work. You're a minimalist." He clung to Ferb's arm, still woozy and swaying but with his energy returning. "So what'll it take to get you to let me stay here, huh? This bed looks comfy!" With only a short glance at Ferb, looking for any sign of allowance, he flopped onto the mattress and rolled around on the comfortable thing.

His bed at home was full of broken springs, with spikes breaking through the fabric while lumps dug into his back. It was fine, he knew the topography and could sleep avoiding all the obstacles, but this was so much better. He rolled onto his back and looked up at his brother with a big, ingratiating and deliberately cheesy smile. "Sure is better than the couch!" He'd happily take the couch if told to, he didn't mind, but he hadn't survived that neighbourhood for so long without learning how to push his luck.

/

Ferb snickered at him for a moment before rolling his eyes. "Well you've apparently staked your claim already. However," he jumped without warning, landing next to Phineas on the bed, "Shove over. It's still my bed. I'm a lean bean though, so you should still have plenty of room." He tucked his arms behind his head and sighed, closing his eyes. "Feel free to decorate as you please when you feel better. This is your space now, too." He turned his head and looked over at Phineas, reminded a little of looking over at him when they were young. Now he was much closer. Ferb successfully fought the return of the blush.

/

Phineas yiped at the sudden leap and rolled out the way, laughing. "Fer-herb! I haven't shared a bed since we were kids!" He didn't mind, but he was far less successful at hiding a blush. He was ginger. But at the mention of decoration his eyes lit up and his brain immediately began to run down a thousand different impossible plans. He wanted to stick a huge painted ceiling up like the Sistine Chapel, bring in a ton of water features, maybe put a helicopter pad up on the roof and a hangar in the basement. But rather than voice these ideas he let them die in his head, knowing they would be hopeless.

He sounded a little flatter as he spoke again. "So what's the rent on this place like? I can chip in- I don't mind."

/

Ferb went still. His job paid for his rent a dozen times ov er. "You... really don't have to worry about that." He said turning back to the ceiling. "And that's not me giving you a hand out, really. I barely have to worry about that, and I mean it." He sighed. "How comfortable are you? You should rest a little longer, I can get the rest of your stuff while you're out and unpack what we brought." He slowly sat up and perched on the edge of the bed facing away from Phineas. "Once you're awake after resting fully, we can start whatever project you want." He stretched his arms over his head with a groan, his shirt riding up as he did so. He stood up and turned around. "Come on. Under the covers, you."

/

Phineas gave him a weary smile. "But Ferrrrb, I just got here! I wanna start something!" Nevertheless he moaned and crawled under the covers. He was dizzy and still felt sick, so an hour's nap would do him good and he knew it. His smile faded at the mention of just how lucky Ferb had gotten, suddenly stricken with jealousy that was so strong that it almost hurt. It wasn't the money that was the issue- it was the niggling idea that maybe if he'd been the one with the house and the good job he would be the sensible one. It shouldn't have been his fault he was finding life so difficult, and how dare Ferb judge him for being the one to get the raw deal.

Even if Ferb wasn't actually judging him. And he knew he wasn't... or he hoped he wasn't.

/

Ferb helped Phineas get beneath the covers and hauled them up to his chin for him. He took a moment of sitting back down on the edge of the bed, spending a bit too long staring at the shorter man. Those usually bright eyes were so sleepless and empty, and it was twisting Ferb's heart knowing that it didn't have to be this way. He lifted a hand mindlessly and rested it on Phineas' forehead, brushing his hair back out of his face for a moment. He hid his embarrassment under a grin. "When I get back, lets talk about getting you a haircut." He said, messing the hair up before finally shoving himself off of the bed. "I will be back soon with everything else, all right? Make yourself at home if you wake before I'm back, but nothing big until I return." He stood in the hall with his eyes on Phineas a bit longer before turning away down the stairs. "See you."

/

Phineas snorted and ruffled his own hair. "It's already shaved at the sides, half of it can't get much shorter." He scrunched up his face at the forehead touch and gave his brother an innocent, loving grin. Judgemental or not, showing him pity or not, Ferb was his rock and he adored him.

He settled back in the bed, sinking smugly into the pillows as he watched Ferb leave. His blinking slowed down and he looked like a kitten nodding off. "Sure thing. Don't randomly disappear for seven years, okay?" His grin was broad. "Don't touch anything in the bed at my place- it's filthy and I love you too much to let you die of the plague."

/

Ferb snickered again. He'd been subjected to a strain of something similar before, he'd be fine. He had so many lighthearted, job related jokes he wanted to crack to make Phineas smile, but he never could. It hurt a bit. So instead, he responded to the only thing he really could. "I love you too," he called up. Once fully out of sight, he crouched down and ducked his head to his knees, wrapping his arms around his head. His faced warmed, and he spent a solid minute hating himself before rushing to the door, locking it behind him. He took a deep breath and leaned against his door for a moment.

"Hullo."

Ferb would have jumped if his training hadn't been ingrained so much to keep him from doing that. There was a little girl in the hallway. He recognized her as the daughter of his neighbor. He gave the little girl a wave.

She beamed at him and fiddled with a pin on her overalls. She plucked it off and handed it to Ferb. It was a smiley face. She ran past him. "Give it back when you don't need it!" She called, catching up with her mom down the hall.

Ferb watched them disappear into the elevator before glancing down at the little happy face pin. He gave it a little smile and dipped it into his pocket before making to the stairs and pulling out his phone to call a moving service. Phineas didn't have much, but a small moving truck would be helpful.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hi guys! New chapter up :) we're pulling ahead with content again! By the way, feel free to search the name of this fanfic on Spotify for a nice accompanying playlist- we figured a fanfiction about a show full of musical numbers needed some sort of accompaniment.

After Ferb acquired the truck, he made it to Phineas' old place within a half hour. He parked the truck facing the nearest exit of the building and hurried inside. From what he saw, it wouldn't take too long to pack everything up, but he was still going to rush. He didn't want to stay away from Phineas for longer than he had to. He scaled the stairs again, eyes to the floor to avoid contact with anyone. He didn't need any distractions.

Using Phineas' key, he went to unlock the door and found it already open. That hadn't been how he left it. He locked all doors behind him out of habit. He pushed the door open slowly.

/

The unsubtle sounds of burglary came from within, but it turned out that they were remarkably benign. Ian, Phineas' friend from earlier, was rifling through the cushions of his sofa as he muttered grumbling expletives under his breath. When the door opened he snapped upright, only relaxing when he saw the man he recognised from before.

He wasn't an especially attractive man but he dressed well and moved elegantly. His hair was black and fell in soft ringlets, his eyes brown, and he could have passed for South American despite how pallid his skin was. There was a campness to him that was totally absent from Phineas, as well as an arrogance that came from a lifetime of having to remain defensive. "Afternoon lover-boy. If you've got Phin tied up somewhere could you tell him to return my sweater? The bastard's hidden it or... used it in an experiment or some shit like that."

/

Ferb said nothing. He'd offered the man a few words before, but he really didn't want to give him many more. Instead he marched past him, arm full of flattened cardboard boxes, and started reforming the piles that Ian had ruined looking for the 'sweater'. "Call it even. You have his shirt." He said. There was a bitterness in his voice, but it was muted. He'd moved Phineas from this place, and he'd ensure Ian had no idea how to make it to where he was now. It wouldn't matter.

/

Ian scoffed. "Correction, I have about five of them. Most of them he left at mine." After a few more seconds of rifling he straightened up with a sneer. "What's your problem with me anyway? If you're that jealous- trust me, you can have the guy and we've only slept together a couple times. The misunderstood-genius thing is all very cute but he's a total rat, so you can turn off your little..." he flicked a lazy finger up and down Ferb's figure, "bored Buckingham Palace act before you give us both a headache." It didn't look like he was looking for a fight- this was just how he spoke to most people. He swayed over to the kitchen and gave Phineas' fridge a quick glance, stealing a beer from the bottom shelf and smashing the cap off on the counter's edge.

/

Ferb stood up tall as Ian continued to intrude. He'd assumed he would just leave, but that clearly wasn't the case, and on top of that, he decided that insulting Phineas was his best course of action. Ferb squared his shoulders. "Phineas is not property. And he isn't a rat. Though he certainly has a pest problem." He took a few steps. "Let me make it clear. This apartment is not yours. It's common courtesy to knock, and even further to not enter unless invited. You were told to leave." He said, building another box up and setting it on the counter of the kitchen.

/

Ian recoiled with a dirty look on his face, looking Ferb up and down to evaluate how much of a fight he wanted. "Look hon," he sneered again, "It's cute that you've fallen for his adorable Doc Brown act but don't come crying to me when it all goes wrong- you can't trust him as far as you can throw him. And, just so you know-" he gave Ferb a wink before taking a gulp of beer, "This apartment is open access to whoever knows how to jiggle that handle right. Phin doesn't give a fuck. You're definitely not from around here, huh, Prince William?"

Determined to get the last word in, catty and egotistical as he was, he tossed his floppy hair over his shoulder and moved to leave.

/

Ferb's face didn't change. He'd take a stack of dishes from the cupboard, but something in him was winding up. He let it loose before it could do much more damage.

Before Ian got to the door, there was silence, and then there was a relentless hand on the back of his neck, slamming him against the wall. His other hand made short work of twisting Ian's arm up behind his back, causing him to drop the beer. "Look 'hon'," He mocked, "I've known Phineas longer than you could ever hope to. We were family, and you could never understand what goes on in his head. So listen very, very closely. You're going to walk out that door and you are not going to return. Phineas isn't coming back. You are never to see him again, and if I catch you anywhere near, or find out you've tried to contact him to mess with him again, I should let you know that I'm privy to the locations of several places no one will ever find you. Weigh your options." He pressed Ian further against the wall before letting go and yanking the door open. "Get. Out."

/

Ian screamed at the sudden attack and thrashed like a trapped alligator, but he couldn't budge Ferb's expertly-trained grip. "Alright, Jesus, fine! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He didn't even try to figure out what messed-up family tree Phineas had- this green-haired monster certainly didn't look like any biological member of his family and at that point he couldn't have cared less. Once shoved he staggered free, landed on his feet, and gave his hair a final flick before storming out in impotent humiliation. His short heels could be heard clattering down the metal walkway and a few seconds later there were a few irritated thumpings of a broom from the apartment below. They stopped as soon as they started, used to loud noises coming from the damned apartment.

/

When Ferb returned home, Phineas was up and tinkering with his oven. He was leaned fully into it, his rear end poking out as his entire upper half disappeared inside, and the occasional bolt would bounce past his knees. "Hey Ferb!" His voice echoed in the chamber. "I'm just raising the heat threshold of this thing- you can't do much with an oven that only goes up to 400 degrees!"

One of the few things he had remembered to pack was his toolbox- the rusty old thing they'd had as kids was full of all the same old tools, even with a few ancient cartoon stickers sloughing off of the handles. They were very precious to him and nobody, not even Candace or Linda, would have been allowed to touch that box now. It sat by the oven door, representing the only valued, neat and organised thing Phineas now owned. On top of it was sat a small bag of white powder. It stood as damning evidence that the neighbourhood had never infected Phineas- it was Phineas that had infected the neighbourhood.

/

Ferb had begun setting boxes inside, not really paying much attention to what Phineas was doing until he got them all inside. "Just make sure you replace the metal sidings, I'm not certain they're built to withstand temperatures much higher than-..." He'd rounded the corner and spotted the bag. "...that." He wasted no time in snatching the little bag up. "Phineas, tell me you didn't take any of this." He said, keeping his voice down. He was more concerned about noise here, since this was his quiet neighbourhood. "I told you you were done. I told you it wasn't allowed in my home."

/

Phineas raised his head quickly at the change in Ferb's tone, smacking his skull against the top of the oven. "Gah! Ow!" He withdrew himself and squinted up at Ferb while rubbing the bruise, looking at the drug and then at his big brother. He just shrugged. "Eh, not yet. I just had it in my pockets from last night and figured I'd just pack it somewhere for later. Saves wasting it, you know?" Rolling onto his feet, he tossed a wrench into the toolbox and plucked the bag from Ferb's fingers. His hand waved in a lazy gesture of dismissal as he walked away, going to his new luggage to take a look through it. "Jesus, you really did move me out, huh? Thanks! Saves me a job."

He put the bag between his teeth as he sorted through the first box, idly looking for a place to put his creation that would keep it safe. As he spoke it came out muffled from his clamped lips. "Did you see Perry's- oh, there it is!" He raised up a leash. "I lost this years ago. How'd you find it so easy?"

/

Ferb took two long strides to Phineas and yanked the bag out from between his teeth. "You're not listening, Phineas." He held the bag out of reach. "I told you you don't need this. You have me now, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm your focus, we agreed." He really needed this not to turn into something big. He turned away from him. "I'm dumping this." He said shortly. He had a feeling Phineas would try to stop him, but Ferb knew he wouldn't be able to. Ferb was too strong now. As his time with the new Phineas grew on, he was starting to get bogged down by how many things had changed. Phineas was angry, drug riddled, and bitter, Ferb was emotionless and cold. He'd hoped with them together again, it would fix that, but nothing seemed to change. If anything, Ferb felt worse. Now he was cold and useless. Nothing he was doing seemed to be getting to the redhead.

/

"Hey!" Phineas snapped and lunged forward to grab the bag, "Don't you dare throw that out!" His voice had barely changed from childhood and it broke as his volume lurched up. It was more in surprise than anger, but most negative emotions tended to morph to rage in him now. He grabbed onto Ferb's wrist but couldn't move it- he was practically hanging off it as he stared up at the guy, amazed and almost frightened at how much stronger his brother had become. The ten-year-old boy, the sweetheart who believed in science and positive thinking, retreated in a moment behind his eyes and left only the sleazy punk behind. His nose wrinkled up as he opened his mouth, speaking through his teeth in a half-attempt at a smile.

"Look, Ferb." He grunted as he tried to pull that hand down so he could reach the bag, "We did talk about it, but I'm telling you now that there is no _way_ I'm losing this sort of progress just because you're making some empty promise about loyalty!" He let out a laugh- one that was trying to be friendly but only came out as manipulative. "And I know you mean it right now! You never make promises you don't think you'll keep- you're all about that noble stuff and it's awesome. But let's face reality, okay?" With another tug, now growing in frustration he just barked, "Give it back!"

/

Ferb yanked his arm away and held it over his head, using his height to his advantage. "I'm not making an empty promise, Phineas, I'm not leaving you again. You. Don't. Need. This." The look in Phineas' eyes was paining him. Ferb kind of wanted to just give him what he wanted, but he was too headstrong for that now. No amount of Phineas' determination could defeat Ferb's. Not right now anyway. "Reality is that I'm here now, and you're living with me in my home. This is going." He turned away and walked towards the bathroom. The sooner the drug was gone, the easier it would be to keep it out of Phineas' system.

/

"Oh my God, Ferb!" Phineas yelled, tugging at his own hair in exasperation before tearing after him, "What's the big fucking deal?! It's not some crud off the street, it's a carefully-controlled chemical substance that I've made myself! Don't you trust me?!" He saw Ferb get to the bathroom door and growled, diving forward and leaping for his shoulders. He grabbed him around the neck, legs wrapping around his waist and clinging tight. His weight was almost nothing but he was covered in sharp angles.

"You said this was my house too! So I say drop the damn medicine and let me put it somewhere safe!"

/

Ferb inhaled sharply through his nose, lobbing the drug to the sink and reaching up to grab Phineas' arms. He took a few steps away from the bathroom and stood in the living room, using one hand to remove Phineas' legs from around his waist before flipping the smaller man onto the plush couch. "You didn't have to watch what it did to you!" He said, louder, but still low. "You were unconscious when I found you. You were bleeding from your nose, and you could barely walk. It doesn't matter the progress you've made if you die because of it! Medicine makes you better. That stuff is killing you. You know it." He kept him pinned, but his hold was gentle and desperate. "No empty promises. I'm with you until I die."

/

Phineas glared up at him, pink-faced and furious. About the only thing left of his childhood self was the bug-eyed squint he'd always had, but now it was less thoughtful and far more furious. At least he wasn't struggling. "How do you know it's killing me?! Have you run any tests? Every drug-!" He clamped his mouth shut and took in a deep breath, flaring his nostrils and glaring a hole through the back of Ferb's head. He may have been nowhere near as strong as the other boy, but he was just as stubborn and right now his anger was almost setting the couch ablaze. "Fine. Fine! Whatever. You wanna charge back into my life and start making demands, I don't care. But when you walk out like you did before, and like _both_ of my ex-dads did you'd better believe I'm making a whole new batch and dosing the shit out of myself with it." He sounded venomous, almost evil. "Get the fuck off me."

/

Ferb's grip tightened for a moment. He wanted to yell. He knew he'd never be leaving Phineas' side again, but no matter how much he said it, it never seemed to change what Phineas thought. The only thing he could do was prove him wrong. "You won't need to," Ferb said. He pushed away and disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. A few seconds later, the toilet flushed, and when the door was open, there was no sign of the drug anywhere. He made his way back to Phineas and sat back down beside him in silence. After a while, he finally spoke again. "Why are you so convinced I'm going to leave? I moved back here specifically to find you. I'm not about to toss my hands into the air and give up just because you've gotten harsh."

/

When Ferb returned, Phineas was hunched on the sofa, shoulder blades and spine sticking sharply out of his silhouette. He was glaring down at the tattoo on his arm, then the glare transferred to Ferb as he sat down. "What choice have you given me? I mean," his voice turned mocking, "It's _so_ great that you came back to hunt me down seven fucking years after you never even sent a goddamn email..." His voice then dove back down to a bitter growl, "But it's smarter to assume you're not sticking around for the rest of my life. Maybe a year, maybe two, but I'm not depending on you again." He stood a few seconds after Ferb sat, part due to hyperactive energy and part because he couldn't bear to be so close to him. Instead he paced with one hand stuffed in a pocket and the other running again and again through the shaggy top of his haircut. "And who's gotten harsh?!"

/

Ferb closed his eyes. "I've already admitted that I messed up, Phineas. I'm sorry I never got in touch with you. That was the biggest mistake I've made in my life, and I told you I'm going to fix it." He stood after him and stuffed his hands into his pockets as well. There, he'd found the pin the neighbor girl had given him. He paused and pulled it free from his pocket, staring at it. He caught Phineas' arm and tugged him closer. "You know what I am without you? A blank slate. I don't have any fun doing what I do, and until I found you again, I thought that was fine. I don't have any original ideas. I do what people ask of me." He attached the pin to Phineas' collar and straightened his shirt. "An attempt to fill the void that was you, apparently. It didn't work." He pressed a finger against the pin. "I need you. I know I can't convince you just by saying it, but maybe if I drill it into your head enough, it will grow roots. And if I ever plan on leaving you, I'll help you make those doses. It's my fault it's gone, after all."

/

Phineas was surprisingly alright with being tugged around- they were close enough that he had few automatic walls up between them. The only ones he had were ones he built hurriedly and on purpose.

"Yeah!" his voice climbed to a shout. "It was your biggest mistake! But if you keep asking me why I don't trust you I'm gonna keep giving you the same damn answer!" He was starting to scare himself. His temper was legendary in his old neighbourhood, he'd flip whenever he felt like it, but here he'd been trying. He wanted to talk to Ferb, to pull him into a hug and discuss everything like grown-ups because he loved him so much that it hurt. He wanted to apologise, he wanted to cry, but it was only now that he was realising how much damage he'd done to himself. It had been years since he'd tried to control his emotions and the skill had atrophied- he couldn't climb over his own rage to let Ferb in no matter how desperate he was for it.

But at least the little boy was back in his eyes. He looked guilty and pleading, tugging at his collar once the pin was attached so he could get a better look at it. A hollow laugh jumped out of his throat. "Ha! Awww. Cute. And fine, that's a fair deal." He held out a hand for shaking, squinting at Ferb carefully before melting with a sigh. "I know I can trust you. We tell each other everything- I've just gotta get used to _feeling_ it again, you know?"

/

Ferb winced. Not everything. "I know. I have to get used to things as well." His hand landed on Phineas' shoulder. "Do you realise how exhausted vocal chords can get?" He offered him a tired laugh before tugging Phineas back into a hug. He'd let Phineas pull away if he wasn't ready, but right now, Ferb needed to feel close to Phineas again. After a few tense moments, he pulled away. "So I have a box of scrap metal and wires in the room, and we don't appear to be doing anything." He offered. He stared into Phineas' eyes, keeping them locked with the child in him. He only hoped enough of the child in himself was shining back.

/

Phineas chuckled at Ferb's lighter mood and gratefully hugged him back, relieved not to have driven him away. His fingers tugged creases into Ferb's shirt as he clung, pressing his face into his brother's shoulder. He stank of pot smoke and the tang of stale alcohol.

When his brother pulled back Phineas was pulling a look of concentration. It was very familiar. He ran through a few different ideas, remembering the box of junk in Ferb's room with photographic precision. Then he punched his palm. "Ferb! I know what we're gonna do today!"


	8. Chapter 8

Phineas had a joint lolling out from between his lips as he heaved a hubcap off of Ferb's old car, eyes pink with wreaths of smoke coming out from between his teeth in short hisses. His movements were very boney- shoulder blades and vertebrae shifting beneath his clothes as his skinny frame moved back and forth- and he had changed into work clothing. A red tank top, studded black jeans and thick leather working gloves.

Ferb had a very average-looking car, or he had before they'd recreated it in their own image. Now it had spinning black rims, was in the middle of a paintjob, and the front seats glowed in their personal colours; orange and green. The car could tell who was sitting where by the weight of the passenger.

He was thrilled. Ecstatic. Even if the pot was taking the edge off of his glee, he finally had the chance to make his ideas a true reality again. It was clear how much his attention span had been affected by the changing years- every half hour or so he'd get distracted and drop everything to start a new part of the blueprints, or even wordlessly drop his wrench to go grab a snack. Without someone there to gently point him back in the right direction it was obvious that he could never have finished, and his total lack of qualifications now had a clear cause. "You know, Ferb," he said, grunting as he stuffed the new hubcap in place and began wrenching it in, "I haven't felt this good in seven years!"

/

Ferb stuck to his word and never let Phineas stay off track for too long. If he left something unfinished, Ferb would step subtly in his way and give him something else to find interesting about the piece he'd abandoned. If Phineas went off to get food, he would eat with him and then lead them both back to their stations. It was a little slower to get done, but not as bad as Phineas made it seem like it would be. Now, Ferb was beneath his car, in a light, loose tanktop that hid the definition of his torso, 'amping the engine'. In reality, the car had a really good engine as it was. Most of his missions gave him another vehicle to drive, but he'd wanted his own to mirror how his borrowed cars ran. The good news was now, with this project, he was able to do more to the engine that he'd wanted.

He kept his eyes on Phineas' progress from his position beneath the car. He didn't exactly mind the pot much. Out of everything he could have been doing, that was the least concerning one, honestly. The frame of the car was already painted and baked in place, and now most of the doors and the hood were seated in a massive oven to bake the paint in place (built out of an abandoned tin shed near the back of the complex). It was the only derailment from the original build that was necessary. As soon as they were done, the could be reattached, Ferb should have been done with the engine and steering tweaks, and they'd been able to take it for a ride before the end of the day. Ferb had an odd feeling for most of their project, but he was too elated by Phineas' joy to give the feeling much attention.

He heard Phineas' voice carry under the car, and didn't bother fighting the smile. "Neither have I." He answered, quietly, having been silent most of the day. It was feeling more and more like nothing had changed. On a small work table they'd brought to their work area, Ferb's phone was left ignored. There were several missed calls. Ferb knew what they were, but he'd informed his employers of his vacation time already; they could inform whoever was trying to give him a case that he wasn't available.

/

Phineas gave a short splutter and a near opaque plume of smoke left his mouth. It was sucked back in. With a grunt he set the last bolt in place. "Spinning rims! They're black now! I can't believe you were driving around in a boring old Plymouth with no customisation- we should put machine guns in the headlights!" With a squawk of hoarse laughter it was difficult to tell if he was joking or not. He stood and wiped his oily gloves on his shirt as he moved to the hood, setting his feet either side of Ferb's legs as he leaned into the inner workings of the car. It was an intimate position even if there was plenty of space between them but he barely registered it. His voice rattled between the engine parts.

"This is the most I've gotten done in one morning since we were kids! Boy am I glad to have-" There was another grunt. "-Have you around! What do you say after we're done with this we give her a tv screen in the back of every seat?"

/

Ferb watched his feet move but since he'd heard Phineas finish the task, he didn't think much of it. "Let's stick with this first, Phineas. We don't even have the doors on yet." He said, chuckling despite himself. The whole morning had been so refreshing, and this was exactly what he missed. He reached above his head and tightened a few more bolts to hold his adjustments in place. With a satisfied smile, he gripped the frame and moved to push himself out from under the car for a break. The hem of his shirt caught a loosened pipe he hadn't finished fastening yet (he had to get another piece of equipment first), and much to his embarrassment, he rolled out from under the car, toned body partially bared. He made a frustrated noise and kicked himself back under to try and free his shirt from the pipe.

/

Phineas glanced down between his legs to see a flash of torso, and his face immediately burst into a lascivious grin. He gave Ferb a teasing wolf-whistle as he retreated back under the car. "Nice!" It was taunting rather than flirtatious, but Phineas' corrupted impulse control got the better of him. There was suddenly a steel-toe-capped boot on Ferb's rolling board and the younger man was dragged out again from under the car- this time with his shirt on. Phineas smacked his hand down on Ferb's hard stomach and gave him a huge, toothy grin, leaning forward as his smile made his nose crinkle. In his punk clothes, the wicked grin with his head in a cloud of smoke he looked like a little demon. "So when'd you get so into the gym, huh? I'm not surprised but I'm so not used to hanging out with guys who are ripped."

/

Ferb was thankful he'd managed to fix his shirt before getting dragged back out, but by this point it was too late. The hand that landed on his stomach was warm; he felt like it might sear through to his flesh. "I didn't really have anything better to do. I feel like I overdid it, but it's habit now, working out." He winced a bit up at his brother from his position beneath him. This was very, very intimate place to me, and it implied a lot of things Ferb was trying to clear from his head. "Can you... actually just hand me that intake over there? I was going to fetch it myself, but..." He gestured very vaguely to Phineas and his stance.

/

Phineas reached over and grabbed the intake, then landed his ass down on Ferb's stomach and handed it to him. He leaned casually inwards, feet clinking down either side of Ferb's head in their heavy boots, and rested his pointed elbows on his knees. He'd definitely gotten distracted again. "You _would_ pick up a bad habit like working out. The best I do is a jog around the block, maybe a screw every now and then." He pinched the end of the joint and his cheeks hollowed. Then there was a wince, he hissed sharply inwards and took the smoke in, and the butt was flicked aside. "You know, we could always upgrade this old junker entirely and get you a motorbike- I'd have gotten one ages ago but I can't afford to keep one running!"

/

Ferb's breath was barely shaken when Phineas sat on him. He was a weight (thought not really much of one), but intense training allowed him to keep his breathing relatively normal against the pressure. His nerves were a different matter, and the manifested in the form of shaky inhaling. Still, he took the intake and set it beneath the car above his head. "I think I'm more than all right with my car now, actually. If you'd like, I can help you finance a motorcycle down the road." There was a pause and Ferb sucked in his bottom lip, hand still holding the underside of the car gripping harder to compensate for how much he was keeping in. He wanted to blush, he wanted say something, part of him wanted to make a noise, because this view of Phineas was just... it felt dangerous.

/

"That'd be awesome!" Phineas's formerly devilish face lit up in a childish smile- far sweeter than before. "I've always wanted one! I mean, I can totally ride them- a guy taught me once ages ago - but it's crazy hard to get gas money together at the best of times. You know how commission work is - one day you've got a couple grand for making a lousy laser pistol, the next you've spent it all and you're back to begging your landlord for an IOU." He laughed at his own half-story, slapping his thigh. Then he gave Ferb a slightly softer look, cocking his head to one side and giving him a curious smile. His skin was sallow and his eyes were pink and wet, but that show of affection was deep and genuine. For a few seconds he let himself adore having his brother back, sitting happily on his stomach and feeling amazed at being able to reach out and touch him after so long separated and longing.

/

Ferb caught Phineas' eyes, and a weird sense of ease spread through him. The dangerous feeling was something he found himself wanting more of, and a second painful realization hit him that he couldn't. There were various reasons he couldn't. He ignored the look in Phineas' eyes that whispered more than Ferb was willing to hear. He swallowed a lump in his throat and rolled them a little further out so he could try to sit up. He'd hoped Phineas would just move, but his actions resulted only in Phineas sliding into his lap. "I-... Sorry." He said, a nervous unspoken plea for the younger man to get off. He didn't want to push him. He didn't want to force him. Part of him didn't really even want him to move. This was comfortable. This felt nice.

This was terrifying.

/

Phineas' face gave a flash of surprise as he landed in Ferb's lap but he didn't seem awkward or embarrassed- this new Phineas seemed impossible to embarrass anyway. He landed well, thighs clamping to either side of Ferb's waist, and after a half second of consideration he let out a short laugh and rolled himself free. "Jesus Ferb, I know you're a man of few words but if you want a lapdance you're gonna have to ask for one!" He laughed and kicked a tool in Ferb's direction, the next one he would need, and skulked back to the hood of the car. He leaned against it as he once again drifted from the task at hand, shoulders raising like hackles as his skinny limbs shifted under his skin.

"You wanna grab a couple beers from the fridge? I could use a drink and I think we've earned it. Oh!" He beamed and raised a finger to prove he'd remembered something. "You gotta tell me your favourite drink! Then I can grab some for you." He gave Ferb a quick wink that already drew lines around his eye. "Just don't tell anyone how good I am at robbing convenince stores."

/

The more Phineas spoke, the more Ferb's gut was sinking. He couldn't lose sight of what he was trying to do just because Phineas had gained the ability to make him a little weak in the knees. He narrowed his eyes at the redhead and stood. "Phineas. You're not doing that," He warned, finding Phineas' side. This was growing to be very uncomfortable. All he wanted was for Phineas to listen to the things he was saying. "Why can't we just keep doing this today? I don't need anything to drink, and really, neither do you." He steered him back towards the car. "Come on. We're almost finished and then we can go for a drive." In the modified tin shed, the heat had stopped, and the pieces were cooling, ready to be placed back on the car. The shape of it had been a bit modified as well, before they'd repainted, making it more sleak and less angular for aerodynamics.

/

Phineas rolled his eyes at Ferb, teasing him as he sauntered over to the car. "Alright, alright!" he laughed, "But one day you're gonna have to show me why I should listen to you." He grinned, showing that he wasn't serious (or at least that he wasn't trying to annoy Ferb). Besides, he liked pushing against Ferb's instructions- he wanted to see where the boundries were and discover what happened when he tried to break through. When Ferb brushed against his side his eyes flicked up and down his well-sculpted torso, slowly met Ferb's eyes and gave him a knowing, private and very dirty look. It might not have been a wholly deliberate one, but it was totally sincere and shared in their mutual knowledge of one another. That look told Ferb how much Phineas understood him, just like in their childhood, but now it was laden with something warm and perfumed and heady.

A small hum of amusement left his throat before he laced his hands behind his head and ambled over to the shed. "And fine! Let's shift these doors onto your ride, yeah? But I also wanna switch over the stereo into something with a little more kick!"

/

Ferb watched him walk to the shed with an excited but uneasy feeling. He was growing addicted to that little look Phineas kept giving him, and he was afraid of what it would mean. The unease boiled, and he froze for a moment, turning and looking around at the rest of this area of parking lot. There were a few cars parked in the back- two silver sedans and a red hatchback- but nothing suspicious. For some reason he couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched. He glanced up at the windows of the nearby building, and nobody seemed to be staring down at them. He squinted at the building before sighing and following Phineas. He must have just been paranoid. How close he was with Phineas was bound to catch somebody's attention, and his brain was telling him that everyone would know they were once brothers. This was where they grew up together after all. He shook his head.

When the car was complete, Ferb slid into the driver's seat, now reupholstered and new. He waited for Phineas to get in before starting the car to get the air going. It was icy cool. The lights they'd installed glowed yellow before they settled into their respective colors, and Ferb gave Phineas a proud smile. The windows were now tinted, and somehow he felt a bit better now that no one could see them. "I think this is a resounding success so far."

/

Phineas slumped back in the chair with a happy groan, getting a thrill from the way the neon underlights of his chair suddenly glowed red. "Right?! I haven't felt this accomplished in years! Whaddaya say we break her in and go get takeout or something?" He turned with bright eyes to Ferb and caught that look of pride. His whole expression faltered, falling from joy to an almost painful shock, then surged back to life with a big face-splitting grin. "Do you know what this means, Ferb? We can do stuff again! Do you know how long it's been since I've done anything? I figured it was just a pipe dream at this point! Haha!" He slapped Ferb's shoulder and gave it a squeeze, tossing off his gloves and throwing them in the back seat.

/

Ferb beamed at the smaller man and messed up Phineas' already messy hair. "I didn't ask you to live with me so you could stew in the flat for the rest of your life." He kept his hand on the back of Phineas' head, letting himself enjoy touching him again, just for a moment. He stared out of the windshield after a pleased sigh, his thumb idly stroking the back of Phineas' head. "...You've no idea how much I missed this..." He said, a bit to Phineas and a bit to nobody. The car hummed beneath them, the seats holding them comfortably. There was an odd peace in here, and Ferb wanted it to last. He closed his eyes.

/

Phineas made no attempt to move Ferb's hand. "Hey man, it's cool. One way or another I'm gonna make sure you fill your timetable with a whole bunch of fun stuff- no more boring commissions from boring places unless you really have to." He turned to the radio and waved his hand towards it- it turned on. With a few quick midair swipes it began to play the screeching guitars and gutteral howling of black metal music at a volume low enough to talk over. "If you want me to set it up, I can get your phone synced up to the radio and you can have your music too! Now..." he took Ferb's hand from behind his head and clasped it in both of his so he could look up at his brother's face in puppy-eyed earnest. "How about we go grab a beer?"

/

Ferb turned to him when his hand was moved, and he gave him a rather amused, but irritated look. "I'm about to make you forget you want a beer." He turned away and fought the flush that threatened his face when he realised how that sentence could have been taken. He slowly pulled his hand away and gripped the steering wheel. He already missed the warmth. "We'll try the take-out first, and if you remember that you want a beer, I will get you one. /Legally/." Technically, it wouldn't be. He just so happened to have various IDs that betrayed ages that weren't actually his own. Due to his stature and build, there were times he wasn't carded, but if he was, he had at least two identities who'd been legal to drink in the states for two years. "And yes, I'd enjoy you syncing my phone, but not right now." He glanced down at his pocket. "The music would be interrupted. Often."

/

Phineas let out a cackle of bright laughter at the double entendre. "Oh yeah?" he barked, "I dunno, you might want me drunker than this before you pull that bullshit!" He gave Ferb another bright smack on the arm as he laughed, grinning broadly as he began skipping tracks in the music. He ended up settling on one song that sounded identical to all the others.

He rested his elbow against the door and lounged back, watching Ferb drive with amusement. "You're not old enough to legally buy any alcohol, dummy," he said with affection, "But I know a guy at a liquor store who doesn't really care, or a bunch of places that can't tell the difference between a real ID and a fake one." After a few seconds he reached for Ferb's pocket, used to helping himself to Ferb's things since he could generally be trusted to return them in mint condition. "Oooh, interrupted huh? Who's texting you? Your old teacher?"

/

Ferb let himself blush. That was something he was allowed to be embarrassed about. He covered his pocket to protect it. "No," He said, quickly. "I haven't been in touch with him since I left school, and I never planned on it, because it was just a crush." He bit his lip again. "I'm surprised Ian isn't blowing up your phone. He seemed like a needy one when we met." He really didn't like mentioning the brat he'd met, but he was the closest comparison to a 'partner' he'd known anything about. "I don't suppose it matters, does it?" He asked, hoping to change the subject.

/

Phineas smirked. "What, him? Dude, we're just friends. The only person I've ever actually 'dated' has been Isabella- besides that it's just hookups. It's way too complicated having someone else around all the time getting into my experiments and getting all up in my space." His mention of the word 'Isabella' was precluded by the smallest of pauses, and almost as if to cover up that stumble he carried on rambling. "And he's a pretty calm guy really- that's why he's stuck around. He does his own thing, I do mine, and we occasionally meet up to do stuff together. We met during community service- which I'm totally surprised about because I don't look good in orange. Ginger hair and everything. I look like someone's set me on fire." Even though his expression was a picture of happiness, his arms were folded and one leg crossed over the other.

/

Ferb shrugged off a measure of guilt. "He's rather insulting honestly." The guilt was overtaken with jealousy, and he buckled himself up. "Let's see what she can do now, shall we?" He asked, putting the car into gear and hitting the gas. He had to remind himself not to go too crazy. He was good at driving. He was very, very good at driving. For Phineas, he would be decent.

The car revved easily, and while not loud, per say, there was definitely a hidden power in her purring. Ferb didn't bother hiding his grin. "Where do you suppose we should go? You said you might want take-out, and I'm feeling a bit hungry now, I think."

/

Phineas barked a laugh. "What- did he say something to you? I mean, yeah he totally is, but what did he call you?"

The car started up and Phineas let out a moan of joy, limbs turning to overdramatic jelly as he slumped down in his chair. "Ooooh, now that is a good engine! She sounds perfect! Why don't we go see the Denny's across town? With our new attachments and accessories the traffic'll be no problem!" He cracked his knuckles, wiggled his fingers and unlatched a keyboard of glowing buttons from the glove compartment. "You drive, I'll manage the peripherals." Another glance at Ferb- one that had that same flash of knowledge and connection. He gave him a wink.

/

Ferb missed his chance to keep from tinging red. He glanced away from Phineas and pulled into the stream of traffic. He watched Phineas work from the corner of his eye. "It wasn't so much what he called me, it's what he said about you." He gripped the wheel tighter and shifted lanes seamlessly. "But I don't want to talk about him. Denny's sounds fine." He cast Phineas another stare before focusing on the road again. "So... do you find... 'hook ups' often...?" He asked, finding success again in keeping the jealousy out of his voice. "I don't really think I can have any say in the matter, I'm not very experienced in that area. I'm assuming you're being safe about it." He winced inwardly at how much he sounded like his dad.

/

"Ooh!" Phineas had his gossip voice on, and he bounced up and down in his seat with a devilish gleam in his eyes. "What did he say about me? Come on, you can't be the sort of jerk who'd bring that up and then keep it a secret!" He tapped a button without looking as they approached a traffic jam. The car suddenly rose up on its chassis, the body of the vehicle rising two stories above the wheels until it had cleared the cars entirely and landed back on the road at the front.

"And you bet I do!" Phineas' grin turned evil, happy for a chance to gloat even if it was meant with zero vindiction. "You just have to know where to look and how to throw a vibe out. And yeah, Dad," he rolled his eyes, "I'm always safe. Remember! I'm a genius!" Another flick of a button and the car rippled into invisibility. It was only obvious why when they drove past a parked cop car, and once they had turned a corner the cloak rippled away again. "See this?" Phineas hooked a finger in his lip and drew back the side of his mouth to reveal one of his molars. He had one that was solid gold. "Gift from an ex-whatever-you-call-it."

/

Ferb squinted when he was shown the tooth, and he looked visibly bristled. "Whoever that ex is had better hope I never meet him." There was a pause as he rounded a few more turns (signalling, because he had no reason to break that law right now), and eventually sighed. "He called you a rat. He said you were a rat and that you were untrustworthy, and quite frankly it took all of me not to throw him out the window." He loosened his grip on the wheel. "I don't know a lot about what happened to you after I left, but you're not a rat, and I've never stopped trusting you."

/

Phineas seemed unfazed by the gold tooth. "Ah, it's a long story. Total asshole guy, but I wasn't behaving myself either." Then he heard Ferb's sigh and following explanation.

His sleazy, gloating face melted into an expression he hadn't shown Ferb yet; a touched, soft melancholy. "Ferb..." Suddenly his erratic attention span focused like a laser on his brother. One hand brushed over Ferb's on the wheel and laced their fingers together, his head tilted to the side as his pink, fading blue eyes caught the other boy's. "That is the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. I mean, dude I'm a total rat and that's fine, but that's still so freaking nice." In a quick huff to save face and stop things getting too intimate he added, "The gayest thing I've ever heard, but still." He smiled. "Thank you."

/

Ferb went beat red at his words. He couldn't stop it. Phineas' hand was fire in his, but all he did was flip his own to squeeze Phineas' tightly instead of pulling away. He gave a quick nod as a 'you're welcome' since he figured words would fail him at this point. He dropped their hands between them, loosening his hold for when Phineas wanted to pulled away. His head felt like it was coming apart at the seams. These were not feelings he was supposed to be getting from Phineas. The sense of danger grew, and the car picked up speed a little. Finally he managed words. "You shouldn't be with people who won't appreciate you, Phineas... They're a waste of your time."

/

Phineas held the hand for a few seconds, then returned his own to his lap with a quick squeeze. He snorted, making his pronounced nose twitch. "Dude, if I only hung out with people who appreciated me I'd get through waaaaaay too many socks. Know what I mean?" He gave his brother a sidelong look, smirking. "Man... I can't believe you're back. It's freaky- for seven years you were this, like, legendary memory, and now you're driving me to a fucking Denny's." As if to prove his point he reached out and rested a hand on Ferb's head. It was so weird that he was real.

"You know, I'm actually not surprised at the way you turned out."

/

Ferb gave Phineas a confused look. "Oh? I'm rather surprised at myself, personally." He certainly wasn't expecting to be working with two separate governments so early in his life, or at all. He didn't bring up how he felt about how Phineas turned out, because he was full of unfortunate surprises, and they were all Ferb's fault. "What doesn't surprise you?" He asked, feeling curious. That hand on his head was still white hot. His mind was ablaze with thoughts he didn't want to be having. As soon as Phineas spoke, those thoughts would be drowned out anyway. Sure, it meant they'd be amplified later, but for now, he could deal with it.

/

Phineas finally leaned back against the door and drew his hand away, using them instead to work the fiddly business of rolling a cigarette. He was a deft hand at it now, though at times his words were muffled when he had to lick the paper shut. "What's surprising? You went to one of the best colleges in the world, you're making bank, you're ripped as hell, and you've barely changed as far as tastes are concerned. What was I meant to expect my super talented, dedicated little brother to turn into? I guess the total virgin thing is kind of unexpected but besides that you pretty much got it made."

He spoke positively, truly meaning the good nature behind his explanation, but his attention was now divided between Ferb and the activity of rolling the cigarette. It was easier to admit to being a total failure if he didn't have to look the other man in the face as he did so.

/

Ferb nursed his bottom lip, taking in Phineas' explanation. "...I certainly don't feel like it." His phone buzzed at his hip again, and he narrowed his eyes at the road. "I didn't really have many friends before you, and I had next to none after you. I neglected the one thing I should have done, and... It doesn't matter how much money I make, I don't care about it." He didn't want to delve any further into things. "Things aren't as good for me as they seem. Don't compare yourself to me." He gave him a sad smile. "I fucked up."

/

Phineas let out a sharp bark of laughter. "Sure, okay. Your house and car says otherwise, don't be a jerk. And don't talk about that whole no-communication thing. It'll just make me mad and I so don't wanna go down that road right now." He glanced over at the phone pocket in curiosity and then reached for it. "So if you don't have any friends, who the hell is phoning you?" His busy fingers crept into Ferb's pocket and tugged it out. He swiped the phone on to take a look, teasing and light-heartedly bullying the kid for the sake of a bit of fun. "Pretty sure Da- your Dad knows you better than to try and call you!"

/

Ferb hurriedly snatched his phone back again. "It isn't dad." He said, flipping and checking the phone. "We don't call, we... we email. It's just a client I've informed that I'm on vacation." He tucked the phone in his other pocket and sighed again, but he gave Phineas a smile. After doing so, he gave the rear view mirror another glance for safety- and spotted something. In another lane about two cars back was a silver sedan. It wasn't a very suspicious looking car, but Ferb had seen it before. He'd seen it when they were rebuilding the car. He'd also seen it in the parking lot when he moved Phineas' belongings into his apartment. He squinted at the mirror and moved a hand over to Phineas' to push his away from the keyboard. Carefully, he changed lanes further away from the car, as if meaning to exit. The silver sedan backed up, but it changed lanes to be three cars behind them. Ferb took the exit. So did the sedan. "Damn. Hands down, Phineas, hang on." He took the exit at a reasonable speed until he reached the light below that was going yellow. He then gunned it and drifted around the corner.

/

When the phone was snatched back Phineas gave a remarkably catty scoff, looking at Ferb with shallow hurt feelings, but it disappeared a few moments later. He gave a shrug and leaned back against the door. "Good! 'Cause I was gonna say that email is way more your style... what're you doing?" He looked down at his hands as they were brushed backwards. "Ferb?"

Ferb's careful driving happened in silence as Phineas' bug-eyed squint watched him from the passenger seat. He glanced at the mirrors, looked around and saw nothing weird, but he knew Ferb and knew that this wasn't normal. "What the hell're you-" The engine suddenly lit up and they smashed around that corner. "Jesus Fucking Christ!" He automatically grabbed the overhead handle and span around to look over his shoulder. Seeing no police lights or emergency vehicles he yelled, "Slow the fuck down! Are you trying to get our asses thrown in prison?!"


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hey guys! Sorry for the missed update Wednesday - I was unwell and useless but now we're back! Now I can dive back into our crazy obsession :P.

/

Ferb shook his head and reached over to push the button that put away Phineas' controls. Anything he did at this point would distract him. "We're not going to prison." Down the road, he watched as the sedan ran the red light to the distaste of the drivers trying to get on with their daily commute. The sedan was going much faster than it should. There was no mistaking it. "We're being followed." The car in the distance sped up. Ferb switched to a higher gear and rounded another corner into the city. The sedan skidded around cars in the way. Ferb mulled over who this could possibly be. He hadn't really been a part of many major missions for a few while, not since his last move. He also couldn't think of any targets who were arrested due to his assistance who had ever escaped or had any means of contacting anyone outside. His gut twisted; Phineas was in danger. "We'll be fine."

/

Phineas looked appauled when his own controls were put away, mad at suddenly being told what to do. "Hey!" The speeding car behind them caught his eye and he rolled down the window to get a better look at it. He swung his head out. "Who the fuck is that!?" Pulling back in he looked at Ferb in a fury, but it was one that had clearly become his natural response to the unknown rather than anything deeply permanent. "Do you know this guy?!" he snapped, "You've gotta screen your clients better!" For the first time since they got into the car he put his seatbelt on.

Funnily enough Phineas didn't look scared. He was irritable more than anything else- pissed off that his nice day was being interrupted by something as annoying as a high-speed chase. This wasn't because he was used to it - he was at worst a petty crook, certainly not dealing with anyone dangerous enough to want him dead. Instead he was assured of his own invincibility and was so permanently angry that it was his instant emotional response to all problems. How dare this guy try and run them down. He hoped the asshole caught up to them and it gave him the chance to punch the driver.

/

"I'm not sure this is a client, I don't know who it is." Ferb shifted gears again and took another turn at a drift. The way he handled the car was seamless. He'd obviously had lots of practice somehow, but he'd figure out how to explain it after they were safe. "Keep holding on," he warned. He took as many lefts as he could, but the car was keeping up. After a sudden right, he squinted behind him. The car was suddenly gone. "...It can't be that easy..." he mused. He slowed the car a bit, coasting while keeping his eyes open.

The sedan skidded into view in front of them, and Ferb slammed on the breaks, arm coming out to stop Phineas from jerking forward too far. The sedan gunned it and wheeled towards them, and Ferb put the car in reverse. "Keep your eyes on him, tell me how close he is." He slammed the peddle down and sped off backwards.

/

Phineas gripped his chair and stared at Ferb as he drove. This was unreal. He stayed rigid, barely swaying with the turns as his gaze turned in every direction as his expressions changed from shocked anger to furious determination. His mathematical mind began making predictions, figuring out the exact speed of each car and the distance they had between them, mapping out the city and judging the navigational abilities of both drivers. Soon he had a very clear image of what was going on, for all the good that did him.

It was a good thing Ferb's arm came out- he was too distracted to brace himself against the brake. That arm was solid enough to stop him mid-flight and slam him back into his chair. "Fuck!" After a quick glance at Ferb he looked forward and did as he was told. "Pretty fucking close! We're talking twenty or thirty feet, and will you put my goddamn weapons back online!?"

/

"Nope." Ferb's answer was short and simple. He continued down the road backwards, around cars and lights and pedestrians as careful as possible. He checked forward once to see the distance and turned back again, pressing down on the gas as much as the car would allow. As they approached another intersection, the light was red, and Ferb noted some rather massive trucks heading towards their respective green lights. Ferb felt a smile find his face, a small, dangerous one, and he reached over and took Phineas' hand. "Get ready to lose him," He said, hearing their pursuer slamming on his brakes to avoid what he assumed would be an inevitable crash.

Ferb squeezed Phineas' hand as they approached the intersection and only ripped it away to switch gears and yanked the wheel at an angle. The car drifted again, around the front of one horn-wailing truck and sliding them perfectly sideways as the trucks passed on either side of them. The car continued on its drift behind the second truck and face them forward again. Ferb steadied their direction and continued down the street, glancing behind as the flow of traffic on the road they'd just cross had come to a hault, blocking their pursuer from traveling any further. Ferb grinned and turned a corner before backing into an empty alley.

/

Ferb's answer infuriated Phineas and his eyes were so full of fire that he looked ready to lash out. His mouth opened to release a few insults in the other man's direction but it crackled to nothing in his throat as he saw the approaching intersection and read Ferb's resolute body language. "Ah- Wait, wait-wait-wait!" He clamped his eyes shut, teeth gritted, and gripped both the seat and Ferb's fingers in a crushing death grip. "Fuck-shit-fuck!"

The traffic and roaring sounds of horns flashed past him, all of the chaos, fumes and screeching tires passing him in seconds. By the time the car stopped Phineas was a frozen statue, only ripping one hand free from the chair after a few tense seconds of silence. One hand free, then another, then he finally opened his eyes with pupils the size of pinpricks. He was pale, eyes wide, and totally without a voice.

/

Ferb shut down the car and left them in the silence and shadow of the alley. He turned to Phineas and reached across to his shoulder. "Sorry. Are you all right...?" This was the part where he started coming up with excuses. He had a few forming, but first he had to make sure Phineas would be okay. "I shouldn't have done that... Phineas, look at me. You're okay, it's fine." He unbuckled his seatbelt to shift closer to the catatonic man. He touched the side of his face to pull him to catch his eyes. "I'm sorry."

/

The touch woke Phineas up and he spun around with a face contorted in rage. "What the fuck was that?! What the FUCK-" he slammed his fist on the dashboard as his hackles rose and it echoed through the car, "-was that?!" Just because he was yelling at Ferb didn't mean he was angry at him, though he would certainly direct his wrath at the nearest available target. He had an out-of-control look to him; anger coming out as a way to cope rather than as a focused attack, aimed at everything around him and not just hurled at Ferb. Regardless, he snarled up at Ferb with teeth bared and a wolfish crease over his nose as his face stretched to accomodate so much emotion. "You should have let me do something! I could have stopped him way before you decided to jump an intersection during rush hour doing goddamn ninety in a forty zone!" Another crash as his fist hit the dash again.

/

Ferb pulled away like he had been dealing with an angry crocodile. He held his arms to his chest and, for the first time since being back with his brother, he felt incredibly small. He tilted his head down away from Phineas' intense anger and faced forward in his seat again. "...I'm sorry... I didn't want you to-..." He bit his lip. "I just wanted to get us away. I don't know who they were or what they wanted, I just... wanted to keep you safe." He realised how absurd he sounded with the manuever he just pulled, but he didn't have the pride to tell Phineas that nothing would have happened. It was true, he'd trained too much and did too much math in his head for that to have failed, but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

/

Phineas felt a stab of guilt at Ferb's meek body language and it bubbled up to the surface of his attention that Ferb was younger than he was. As the older brother Phineas knew he should be more compassionate, but he was fast losing control of himself and the raving kept coming. "Where the fuck did you learn to drive like that?! When do you even get a license in England? You've been driving like four years at the most and suddenly you're pulling this James Bond bullshit?!" He didn't even know if he was mad at that, he was just mad.

He kicked the door open hard enough to almost damage it. Striding out into the alleyway he began pacing around the car to the rhythm of his clinking metal boots, maniacally ranting and rolling a cigarette. "You should have turned on my controls! Your fucking car has a harpoon behind its plates! I could have-" he paused to lick the paper, "-taken out a wheel at least!" It now occurred to him that maybe this anger was about something else. They'd escaped, it had been an awesome adventure, and he'd dealt with far worse personal insults than just not being allowed to play. A part of him had been picking up Ferb's evasiveness even if he didn't fully see it and it was this missing link, this fear of the unknown, that fuelled this outburst for far longer than it should have lasted.

/

Ferb's fingers tapped against the steering wheel before he opened his door carefully and got out. "I got into an accident on my first year of driving," He explained. "I broke a few ribs, and Dad was really worried, and I... you know I don't like it when he's like that, so when I was better I took as many stunt driving courses as I could. I just wanted him to know I was safe on the road, for... for reasons." To his credit, a lot of this wasn't actually a lie. He had been in an accident that broke his ribs, but it had been during a case with British Secret Service. He hadn't been able to tell his father many details, but he did promise that he would force his superiors to fine tune Ferb's driving skills to perfection. After all, Lawrence had lost his wife, and Ferb his mother, to an accident. Ferb was fortunate that he'd been too young to really experience what that meant. His father faced the brunt of it almost twice. He'd seen his father sad, but until the day Ferb woke up in the hospital with the man at his bedside, he'd never seen him cry.

/

Phineas watched Ferb talk and couldn't stand how reasonable the whole thing was. Snarling, with gritted teeth and almost feral eyes, he was forced to conclude that he really had no right to be angry with his brother. Instead he let out a furious scream and gave a trash can a flying kick. The thing sent thunderclaps of clattering metal through the alleyway, hurtling trash in every direction as it bounced away with a massive dent in its side. "Fucking shit!" His voice returned to them endlessly as it bounced off the walls. He was so wrapped up in his own aggression that he hadn't even lit the cigarette between his teeth.

Something clicked and he spun around to face Ferb again. There was no ten-year-old Phineas in him now. "Wait, you almost fucking died in a hospital and even that didn't make you send me a goddamn email?! You asshole!" He grabbed the cigarette from his mouth in wild gesture, then looked at its unlit tip. Seeing it unlit he snatched a lighter from his pocket and flicked it. It didn't light so he flicked it again. Still nothing. "Fucking piece of shit!" That lighter ended up shattering against a wall. He snapped around to Ferb gain. "Have you got a lighter?!"

/

Ferb was three inches tall. Phineas anger was terrifying, and Ferb couldn't help but see his point again. It was something he already felt guilty about, and it was all the more painful now. He stuffed a hand in his pocket and walked around the car with his gaze to the ground. He plucked the cigarette from Phineas' mouth without looking and stuck it in his own, bring out his lighter (a fancy zippo with a light that lit green on the side when he snapped the lid open) and lighting the end. He took a few puffs to get it started and keep the burn going before removing it from his lips and holding it back out for the redhead. His hand was shaking, but it was barely noticable.

/

Phineas scowled and reached out to take it from him. That was when he felt the shaking, and his anger drifted away like mist off a lake. He sighed and reached out, snaking his arms around Ferb's neck and resting his chin on the taller boy's shoulder (it was about the highest he could reach). "I'm sorry," he muttered, apologetic without sounding sentimental. "Don't take what I say seriously- it's not me and I totally love you." His heartbeat was still immensely fast and powerful, his body so rodent-like that it could be felt shaking his joints. "Don't freak out, yeah?" He squeezed Ferb in his wiry grip and did his best to seem like the older, protective brother while being half the size. The cigarette hung between two fingers, dripping ash to the floor behind Ferb's feet as it burned down, forgotten.

/

Ferb ducked his head into Phineas' shoulder, burying his eyes away and letting his arms come up to desperately grip the fabric of Phineas' shirt. In the peace of the alley way, even though there was a tenseness in the air, Ferb took in the feel of Phineas' hold with no reservations. Phineas would be able to get a better feel for Ferb's toned body, but Ferb wasn't paying much attention to that now. He was afraid of Phineas hating him. "I'm sorry..." He repeated, one hand coming up to bury in the shaved and short hair on the back of Phineas' head. "Please don't leave." While his body was tense and barely trembling, his voice was calm as usual. It was muffled, but still steady.

/

Phineas didn't move from the hug but he gave Ferb a hard smack on the shoulder. "Jerk! I never said I would! _I_ don't abandon people." There was a lighthearted tone of blame in his voice, one that was- for now- joking. "Just chill out, okay? Before you fracture a rib or something. One of mine, I mean." He definitely was enjoying the warmth and strength of the other man's torso. It felt sinister to enjoy it too much in such a vulnerable moment and so he did his best to ignore it. Still, he'd never felt so comfortable in a hug, especially since most of his bones were uncomfortably close to the surface.

He lowered his voice (quite a feat for him) and muttered into Ferb's ear. This quiet volume made his voice croak out of a rough throat, almost a purr, and his smoky breath was warm. "We should get out of here. Get us somewhere safe, okay?"

/

Ferb's trembling stopped, and the blood boiled in his ears. His fingers curled the fabric of Phineas' shirt up further in an uncontrolled response, his nails accidentally dragging a little on his back. He snapped out of his stupor and pulled away, giving him a quick nod and rubbing at his eyes. "Definitely. Sorry." He went back to his side of the car, sitting down and starting it again. The light under his chair glowed yellow and settled to green again, and he sunk in his seat, resting his hands over his face until Phineas was situated. His ear was still on fire, and Phineas' voice burrowed its way to take root in his spine. Ferb was unquestionably in love with Phineas. He felt like such a beast. "Sorry." The word was beginning to lose its meaning.

/

Until things died down, Ferb wasn't comfortable going straight back to the apartment, what with whoever was following them knowing where they lived, so he decided that Denny's was still a viable destination. They were seated in a booth in the corner, under a dim light with some menus. Ferb still looked saddened. As nice as Phineas had been about it after his initial outburst, Phineas had still been terrified by what Ferb had done. He didn't know why he hadn't just let Phineas back at the controls- it would have taken less effort to just put the invisbility cloak back up, or as Phineas suggested, shoot out one of the tires on the pursuing vehicle. It took a few moments of not actually reading the menu to realise that he'd done it almost solely to show Phineas that he could. He'd done it to show off, and it backfired.

/

Phineas had the menu under his elbows as he slumped on the table, tapping a sugar packet between two fingers as some way to vent his usual manic energy. His attention was dedicated to food choice but after a few long moments of silence his eyes drifted up to look at his brother. His steel-capped boot gave Ferb a nudge beneath the table. "Hey dude, you okay? You should be celebrating escaing in a high-speed car chase! Don't get that every day, you know?"

Sadly enough, he almost looked too scuzzy for Denny's. His outfit, the torn-up red shirt and jeans, the rings in his ears and the dark pits under his eyes- even the worn-out red booth seats of a roadstop diner made him look underdressed. "Come on!" he laughed, "Why not order a cocktail huh? Make you feel better."

/

Ferb gave Phineas an amused smile. "I don't think they have those here," he said, dropping his eyes to the menu again to actually decide on food. "I don't feel good about something that upset you, Phineas. I shouldn't have taken off the way I did. I should have let you use the mechanisms, it was just..." He couldn't say habit. "...just me being foolish." He decided on an item and set the menu aside, folding his hands on the table. "I wish I knew who'd been following us," he mused. When they'd arrived at the restaurant, he'd sent off a frustrated text to his superiors about the event, which they'd since replied that they would look into it. Immediately after, the texts automatically deleted themselves.

/

Phineas waved a gloved hand. "Ah, forget about it! I wasn't upset," he grinned, "I was just surprised; you're an awesome driver! But let me play too next time, yeah?" He decided on a meal, and it was massive, before tossing his menu aside and carrying on. "But who were those guys anyway? You do any sneaky commissions that people might be mad at you for?"

When the waitress arrived she was a petite, pretty young woman who took their menus and their orders. Phineas handed his over with a cheap but charismatic wink that meant nothing but came automatically.

/

Ferb watched the wink with a guilty measure of jealousy when he handed his menu over, successfully missing the waitress returning the flirty glances at Ferb rather than Phineas. "I don't know. I have a small circle of reliable clients, and none of them are capable of this, trust me." He kept his attention fractioned so he could listen to Phineas while waiting for any news.

/

"Hmmm," Phineas did notice the flirtatious glances, and while they didn't upset him they did push his attention span down different alleyways. "Well whatever. How'd you manage to stay single with a body like that?" He gave Ferb's torso a camp gesture, flicking him up and down with his finger. Every movement from him was languid. "You're not saving yourself for marriage secretly, right? I thought that was just for Texans and Catholics, not England." His naughty grin was back, the one that drew the crease over his nose.

/

Ferb's face tinged pink. "I've... nobody's ever really seemed interested. At least not anyone I was into, and it isn't like I go around shirtless very often. Besides, I like my peace. I've only ever let one person disrupt it, and that really hasn't changed." He sipped on a water he'd asked for and tried to find a way to change the subject. This would get embarrassing if they lingered here. "What about you? Do you ever plan on settling with someone?" His line of questioning had to veer elsewhere. He had a rough idea of Phineas' 'love life', and love had little to do with it.

/

"Aww, well she was interested!" Phineas grinned and gestured at the waitress' retreating shoulders. "Maybe you're just bad at picking up the signs nowadays. You've always been the ladies' man." His grin dimmed to a more sincere smile and a chuckle shook his shoulders. "I'll always be around to ruin your plans you know that." He leaned forward to give Ferb's shoulder a punch, then settled back in his chair and sipped on a delivered cup of coffee.

Phineas tilted his head in thought when the question was directed his way. Then he shrugged. "I don't need anyone but me, and I don't think I'd trust anyone who said they'd wanna stick around for good. 'Specially not for romance- who can keep that sort of stuff going forever?"

/

Ferb blinked and glanced after the waitress with confusion before glancing back at Phineas. He tried to ignore that the jibe could have easily been directed at him. Phineas was unaware of his feelings, and it would stay that way. "You say that now, but if you found the right person, it would seem silly." He shrugged. "Not that I'm any sort of authority on the matter... I guess I'm just open to hope." He dropped his gaze to the table. "I'd love for you to be that happy." He didn't much care for his love life being fulfilled. As it stood, his current affections wouldn't do much but cause him trouble.

/

Phineas smiled but rolled his eyes, arms folded in front of him. "Aw, dude, come on, dont' be naive. If Mom can go through two husbands in twenty years where do you think that leaves me, huh? I know you think I'm great but trust me, not many other people are gonna take your side in that." With a sneer he waved away the conversation. On the surface it didn't really bother him- he was content with his social life the way it was- but deep down there were wounds.

"I don't need you trying to be all 'find a nice young lady and settle down', _Dad_. Or, you know, a dude. Swings and roundabouts." He necked back the rest of his coffee like it was a shot.

/

Ferb went pink again. "I'm not saying that, I'm just-..." He looked down at the table. "I'm saying try to be happy. And you're not going to do that sleeping with people like Ian. I don't mind if you find people for a night, but don't... augh. Never mind. I apparently don't know what I'm talking about." He sank in his seat and glanced out the window. For safety reasons, their car was nowhere to be seen. He really wasn't sure how to articulate what he wanted for Phineas, but whatever it was, it wasn't this. "I want you... to find people who motivate you. It can't always be me, I can't be the only one who knows how to keep you on track."

/

"Where the hell has this come from?" Phineas laughed, but it was sounding dryer and less patient. "There's nothing wrong with Ian, not that we are anything, it's just fun! You can play out the romantic comedy thing if you want but I'm happy doing things like this, okay?" With a sigh he blew a few strands of hair from his forehead. "And it's so good to know you 'don't mind' if I screw around. Good to know I've got your permission for that."

He leaned forward and began fiddling with a fork, stabbing it into the table surface as he raised dull eyes to Ferb. "You are. You're the only person smart enough to, you know, think with me. I bet you didn't find anyone in college as smart as you were, right? We're special." The stabbing went from idle to violent. "I found one thing- only one thing- that ever focused me as much as you did, and you flushed it down the crapper."

/

Ferb's moved his hands below the table to form fists. "Nothing I say is going to be good enough for you, is it?" He leaned forward. "I can see it in you, Phineas, you're not as happy as you say you are." He avoided Phineas' question. He was right, Ferb hadn't found anyone with the same intellect since he'd left Phineas, but he didn't have the same wall as the older man. His phone hummed not for a text but for another call. He ignored it. "And it isn't your fault. It's mine. But you're not letting me in to make up for it. You have all of these defenses now that you don't need with me, and I..." He stopped. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do.

/

Phineas opened his arms and feigned a look of surprise. "Ohhh, what gave it away?" His lip curled and he scoffed, stabbing the fork into the table and leaving it there. "The defences stay up," he said, pointing a finger at Ferb. "You can stick around, have a nice time, build stuff with me, we can be brothers again! But don't try and force me to trust you, got it? That's not what I want." That was a lie. He wanted more than anything to let Ferb in, but it wouldn't come. It didn't help that the man was sat there with such a worried expression, with his fancy accent and great body, looking so earnest and being everything he'd ever wanted out of anyone. "I don't trust Flynns, I don't trust Fletchers, and I don't trust anyone who tries to tell me what to do."

/

Ferb winced as Phineas spoke but barely flinched when the fork found the tabletop and stayed there. He wanted to tell him that he could trust him, but he was already being forced to lie to Phineas. Even though his lies had nothing to do with their relationship, Phineas would see it as Ferb not trusting him enough to tell him anything, but it wasn't like that. And now that he was being followed, he had to make sure Phineas didn't learn about his actual job. Someone could be watching at any moment. The second Phineas knew, he would be in danger.

But Ferb couldn't tell him that. He couldn't tell him anything.

Instead of speaking, he looked back out the window, making sure the silver sedan hadn't managed to find them. "I don't trust myself either."

/

Phineas snapped. Despite not wanting to, it just flew out of him. "Then why the fuck do you expect me to?!"

Then the waitress returned with their food, Phineas dragged his plate over to him, and spent a few seconds straightening out the tines of his fork before digging in.


	10. Chapter 10

When they returned home, the silver sedan was nowhere to be seen. He'd gotten one message saying that it had been taken care of, and he listened to several voicemails from his superiors informing him of his needed position on a mission. He sent out a few messages reiterating his status of temporary leave. Beyond that, the apartment was silent apart from Phineas. He sat slowly on the couch and rested his head in his hands. He wanted to break down. He wanted to scream and tell Phineas everything. His feelings, his job, it didn't matter if it pushed Phineas away, but then maybe he could feed that trust a bit more. Now, he felt like he had nothing. Some of Phineas' things weren't even unpacked yet, and those boxes were making Ferb nervous.

 **/**  
Phineas had been in the bathroom when Ferb sat. He opened the jar a crack and watched Ferb's quiet despair, leaning against the wall and letting guilt build up in his stomach. He hated what he was doing, the impenetrable walls he had up and couldn't break down from the inside. Even now when all he wanted to do was sit down and wind his arms around him, but he could do nothing but watch.  
He saw the boxes. With a sigh he ran his hands through his hair and then left the room. He crossed in front of Ferb and knelt by a box before reaching in and taking his belongings from it. "You got a place I can stash my stuff? Your house is way too clean for me to want to dump my shit just anywhere." His phone buzzed in his pocket and he looked down at his pocket with a hum.

/  
Ferb blankly lifted his head. "Huh? Oh, there's a hall closet that's pretty big. Upstairs just before the bedroom. You can really put your things anywhere, I don't mind." He looked down at the floor. "I told you this was your home, too. And it's needed colour for a while." He sank back into the soft couch, getting used to the feeling of here again. After all, he'd be sleeping on this couch until he got another bed. He didn't trust his feelings not to drive him insane if he had to share a bed with the subject of his affections. He was already an emotional wreck on the inside, it wouldn't take much to bring it to the surface.

/  
"Great, thanks," Phineas gave Ferb an encouraging smile before reaching into his pocket. His phone had one message and it made his eyes light up. After one quick glance at Ferb he stood with a few of his items and fled the room to stash them away. "Got a job! Don't wait up!"  
Apparently someone was looking to buy off him. This was unusual but not impossible- he did occasionally forge 'substances', people would catch on, and people would order them. That was all the message implied. Someone wanted to meet up and buy off him. He replied with a time and place before trotting back to the main room. "Don't sink into too deep of a depression while I'm gone, alright?" He laughed and gave Ferb an automatic peck on the head before wrenching open the door and kicking it shut behing him.

/  
Ferb flinched as the door slammed shut after Phineas, barely having any time to react to his hurried leave. He stared at the door for a good while. Then he stood and pulled his phone back out. He began a slow, slumped march to the bathroom, making his way to a corner and sitting down across from the toilet. He cycled down through the short list of numbers until he landed on one he'd never called. He had it for an emergency, but usually this contact got information through email.  
He sat listening to the ring and went tense when the other line was picked up. "...Dad...?"

The meeting Phineas was heading for was taking place in, of all places, another dark alley way. It was wider, between two buildings with loud businesses that never went into that alley until the end of the busy night. They would have plenty of time to take care of business here. 'They' in this case, were three men who were standing patiently in the alley, their car parked beyond the dumpster. They were rather shady looking characters, as most were who got in touch with Phineas for jobs these days. While they looked like typical gang bangers, with prison tattoos and looks of smug resignation, their car was much classier than what was expected. It was sleak and black, and spoke that they certainly had whatever funds they planned on promising Phineas.

/  
Lawrence was surprised to hear Ferb's voice, and a father's instinct told him that this was a very big deal. "My dear boy, is anything the matter? I was just putting the kettle on." There was the tinny sound of him sitting down on the sofa and the background music of a television - this was always the time Lawrence sat down with a show. Now that he lived alone he kept busy with a myriad of hobbies and his work, happy to live a simple life amongst his work as an archaeologist. He'd never remarried or even dated since Linda and he had an air of loneliness in him that manifested in growing grey, but he'd always seemed cheerful to Ferb.

Phineas sauntered up and threw the leftover stub of a cigarette on the ground as his boots clinked over. "So whaddaya want, boys?" He kept a knife in his belt for meetings with clients because there was always a chance they could turn sour, but his body language and general appearance made him no different from the thugs he dealt with. Usually they left him alone even if he did refuse, just because he looked as dangerous and desperate as they did. "And what're you offering?"

/  
Ferb's face grew a soft smile at his father's voice. It had been a while since he'd heard it. "No, nothing's... e-everything's..." He'd gotten so good at lying, but he felt he couldn't now. "...I found Phineas." He felt selfish for even calling his father to bring this up. It would bring back some unpleasant memories for the man. However, Lawrence knew why Ferb had chosen to move back into town, so it wasn't like this was coming from nowhere. "He's... He's changed a bit. He..." There was a painful lump forming in his throat. He was silent as he tried to make it go away, but there was no fighting it this time. "...I really messed up. I don't know what to do." His voice was breaking.

The man at the head of the group, tall like Ferb, but with none of the warmth in his eyes, took a step forward. "You're a hard man to find, kid, but we like what you can do. We've heard you've made a rather fancy pick me up. We wanna get our hands on some and see what you can do. And maybe we heard from another little birdy that you got some goods to bring us to the top of the pack again." He pulled out a cellphone. "3k for the first ounce. If we like it, we'll send you another five hundred and think about keeping you on the payroll."

/  
"Is he alright?" Lawrence kept any sounds of negativity out of his voice- he had always been a very passive man. He loved Phineas as a son and it had been so painful to leave them on his return to England, but he had respected Linda's right to separate and cut off contact with the boy. It had hurt a lot, but the knowledge that he was in his mother's capable hands had granted him peace. "What do you think you've done? Ferb?" He could hear his son welling up and so the background noise of the television dimmed.

Phineas sucked his teeth and rocked his weight to one foot. "That stuff's got a killer come-down. I can give you an ounce to start with but you'll want me to work out the kinks." His heart had started racing- this was a massive amount of money. He saw the car and the wealth of that alone floored him. But then he paired the men with the car and something felt off. He raised an eyebrow. "Whaddaya want it for? And who the fuck told you about me?" He was used to dealing with gangs who wanted weapons and armor, but it was always given in the knowledge that it was for posturing. Murder was rare, it was far more common to wave a gun around and get things without hurting anyone, and Phineas had long reasoned to himself that a man who killed with one of his guns would kill with something else if deprived it. But these guys... these guys looked like they would actually hurt someone.

/

Ferb inhaled sharply, and the breath came back out as a sob. "I never called him...! I should have, I should have gotten in touch with him to see how he was, but I thought he was better off without me, and he..." He leaned his head against the wall and curled up into a tighter ball, squeezing his eyes shut. "I think he's going to get himself killed, but he won't listen to me, and I'm so scared that I can't help him." He couldn't find the right words. He felt frantic like a child. He'd never felt like this before. He was always someone else's rock, he'd never needed one himself. At least, he never thought he did.

"We got some people who wanna work with you. Big, important people. If they like your supply, they'll wanna hire you on for bigger and better things. White picket fences and all that. Three times that amount per job. Guarateed work at least twice a week, usually more. You just don't ask questions, and you're swimmin' in it." The guy, who'd been suave and collected before seemed like he was capable of coming apart at the seams pretty easily. "Need an answer, short stack."

 **/**  
Lawrence's voice came out calm and loving, not getting worked up at the sound of his boy crying because they both know that wouldn't have helped. "Now listen to me, listen to me- whatever's happened to Phineas is not your fault. You're a child, Ferb. He has his mother, his teachers, there are all sorts of people who were in a greater position than you to help. I've said this so many times, haven't I? The world's not yours to fix. Now, can you give me any specifics? Maybe there's something I can do to help." There was a smile in his words, it was clear that he had a kind, gentle look on his face. Lawrence adored his son.

Phineas flapped a hand. "Woah, don't rush me. You wanna work with me, I deserve to know what's happening." He usually worked with people who were charismatic, gloating idiots and they were always thrilled to share their violent ideas. That way he could keep an eye on the threat. This attempt to outdo him made him wary as he considered how people could get hurt. "I sell dangerous shit, guys. I'm not giving it to anyone until I can tell how many people this'll affect."

 **/**  
Ferb took a deep breath. He felt like he was ratting Phineas out, but he had to talk to someone. "H-He's been getting in trouble often. He steals, he's been... He's been doing harder drugs, because he thinks it makes him focus, which he only lost because I wasn't there...!" He sniffled again. "It is my fault, I'm sorry..."

The man glared, and the two thugs behind him grew more agitated. He spoke again. "I don't think you're hearin' me. Nineteen thousand bucks a week at minimum doesn't make you immediately wanna jump on board? I already told you what we can tell you. No questions," he snapped his fingers, "Money. It's that easy. With all the jobs you done, there's nobody better than you, now figure it out. Am I tellin' the boss we got our supplier, or do I get to make you regret turning down a deal that couldn't get any better?"

 **/**  
Lawrence's eyes widened as he heard and he felt his own wave of guilt over the neglect of his second son. "What? Oh my, I never would have thought..." he didn't want to imply that Linda was to blame in front of Ferb. He let out a sigh and replied, "Regardless, that wasn't down to you. I doubt a few emails would have changed the route he went down- please, do calm down and take a step back, alright? Nobody in their right mind would blame you- I certainly don't."

Phineas' squint returned. This wasn't right, and even if the money was fantastic it seemed too good to be true. He wanted to say yes, he even took half a step forward to shake their hands, but he couldn't. That drug he'd developed was dangerous and far, far too strong for someone normal. He had no idea what it would do to a normal brain and didn't want idiots like these guys handing it around to people with no control. He took a step back and shook his head "Your secret's safe with me, but the answer is no. You guys have no idea what the shit I make is and you ain't gonna use it responsibly. I might change my mind if you tell me what the fuck you want it for."

/  
Ferb wasn't about to say what his mind wanted him to. He thought that maybe nothing like this would have happened if Ferb had stayed with them, but that would have left Lawrence completely alone, and that wouldn't have been fair at all. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now. He's so convinced I'm going to leave, but no matter how much I tell him that I'm not going anywhere, he... he doesn't trust me. I left him once and never contacted him, and he has every right to think I'll do it again, but I won't. I don't want to leave him again."

The man scoffed. "Figures. You were a goody goody as a kid, I guess people don't change." He took a short step towards the kid after he stepped back. "I'm a little insulted. I gotta walk back to my boss and tell him that his business needs to wait, you think he's gonna take that well?" Behind him, the two men began advancing on Phineas as well. At the entrance of the alley a fourth man had rounded the corner, blocking Phineas from leaving. The main man spoke again. "Our job was to come out here and secure your work. Or come back after we broke a bone or two. Thanks for giving us the fun option."

/  
Lawrence leaned forwards on the sofa, and the creaking of the furniture was heard down the phone. "Now Ferb, you listen to me - you can't force trust. If he blames you... well, that's unfortunate, but I know it wasn't your fault and eventually if you stay with him I'm sure he'll find himself trusting you again. He can't force trust either, do you understand?" With a certain sense of a parent's naivety he finished, "I'm sure if you give it two weeks the two of you will be just as close as you were when you were lads. You were as thick as thieves when Linda and I were married- I don't think you'll have any trouble getting back to that once you're used to one another again."

Phineas immediately flicked out the knife from his belt and held it out, ready to attack. He backed up to run until he heard the footsteps, then cursed to himself at being stupid enough to let this happen. But in all fairness, things like this just didn't happen in Danville. "I feel really bad for you, really do." He spat at the guy's feet, eyes lighting on fire. "I hope he cracks your head open for being such an idiot. You could have won me over with a little information!" When he saw one man make a move towards him he leapt, slashing a deep line of gore across the man's face. "Now fuck off!"

 **/**  
Ferb listened to every word his father said. He had a knack for saying exactly what he needed to hear. He took in a shaky breath and nodded, as if his father could see him. He stared up at the ceiling. "...Okay..." He dropped his legs to sit cross legged on the floor. "It just... seems like it's going to take a very long time for him to come to me. I have... I have things I don't want to talk to him about, and I think that's pushing him away further."

Unfortunately for Phineas, there were too many men there to really stop what was about to happen. The first slashed man swung out and struck Phineas in the face, and while the blade was still swinging and a few of the other men got slashed, they eventually got it from him and had him pinned to the ground. "You're gonna regret that, punk." The leader, not holding Phineas, reared his leg back and gave Phineas a few good kicks in the ribs.

 **/**  
Lawrence sounded happier as Ferb accepted his advice, his tension evaporating as his child sounded better. "Nobody can share everything. If you really want to reforge this relationship it will be worth the patience. Now tell me- how is America? Everything but Phineas still the way I left it?"

Phineas cried out in pain at the punch, staggering but staying upright and clicking his jaw back into place. He opened his mouth to yell a few more insults but was knocked to the floor before any could leave him. "Get the fuck off me!" Once he was pinned he kept struggling, rage and adrenaline blocking pain enough that he could froth through the kicking. He lost his mind with anger, scratching, biting and punching at anything that gave him an opening to do so. "You fucking assholes!"

 **/**  
Ferb gave the phone a small, half hearted smile. "Yes, most of everything is just the same. I'm going to check in with Linda and Candace eventually, but I need to be sure Phineas is going to be okay. He's still so smart, dad..." He swallowed and very slowly stood up from the floor. "I'll keep you posted on anything new... Sorry I called you in a panic, I didn't mean to worry you..." He tapped his fingers on the sink and looked at his face in the mirror. He really needed sleep. He hadn't really slept well at all since he'd found Phineas.

The leader kicked him again, hard, and stepped his foot down on Phineas' face, turning his head to the side. "This one's got a mouth on him, boys." He leaned down to be in Phineas' sight. "Unfortunately for you, boss can't have people asking questions, so take this as a warning." He lifted his foot and stomped down on his pinned wrist, snapping something within it.

/  
Lawrence chortled. "Oh, never apologise for phoning me! I'm always here to help, you know that. And I must say it's a pleasure to hear your voice- I do miss chatting. Keep me updated, and let Phineas- and Candace, of course- know that our, er, my home is always welcome if they fancy a little holiday." Hearing the conversation winding to its end he added, "I love you."

Phineas glared up as best he could from his trapped position, half-feral even while his brain was figuring out a thousand different ways to escape. Sadly every tactic ended in his defeat and he could do nothing but remain beneath that boot. "Fuck you!" Then the boot rose in the corner of his eye and he gasped in horror. The sole made contact, his wrist snapped, and his shriek vibrated off the walls of the alleyway.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hi guys! Sorry for the late update- life got in between the writers and between me and the internet. But not to worry :D we have content and access to FF for ages now. Good to be back!

/

Ferb smiled into the phone. "I love you, too, dad. I'll let them know." The call ended, and Ferb leaned against the wall again.

A while after the phone call, Ferb was asleep on the couch. He'd dressed in his night clothes- a tanktop and some sweat pants, and used a light sheet as a blanket. He'd slept on this couch before, many times, so this slight change did nothing to how well he slept. No, he was sleeping lightly and restlessly because of where his head was about Phineas. Despite his father's kind words, he still couldn't bring himself to think it wasn't his fault. If he'd have stayed, Phineas would have been fine. He would have his motivation, they would have gone to school together, and they would have had each other. They'd have grown as brothers, and Ferb wouldn't be feeling this intense attraction because of their separation. But then his father would have been alone. Ferb's mind was in tatters. Nothing he had as a choice would have helped everyone.

/

The door slammed open as Phineas half-kicked it open, scuffing up the front door's paint with his boots. Blood smeared down his face and shirt, bruises and grazing laced up the points where his bones came close to the surface, and he cradled a snapped wrist close to his chest. He looked both furious and agonised. "Ferb! Gauze!" He barely noticed his brother choosing the couch, his eyes on fire beneath their hooded pink shadows.  
The wrist that had been broken was the one with his tattoo, which was now swollen and bleeding, disfigured under the skin. He was sweating and gasping, his good arm holding it carefully as he fought through the pain with sheer force of wrath. "And painkillers!"

/  
Ferb was up almost immediately, his other senses compensating as his eyes adjusted to the light of the room. "Wha-" He heard the shouts and finally focused on Phineas. He was standing in a second. "Sit down," he said, his face going stone. He had a mode he went into when he felt like his emotions might take over, and it was a well-trained one. If he let himself freak out, Phineas wouldn't be healed right. He returned to Phineas' side with more supplies than he'd been asked for. "Let me see your arm." His tone wasn't cold on purpose, and anyone paying attention could see the concern and terror building. "Is it broken?"

/  
Phineas sat as commanded, sitting at the dining table, and bared his arm. His brain noticed every detail in Ferb's expression despite his injury and underneath the anger and embarrassment and fear there was a small sense of affection for how much his little brother was worrying. That was just enough for his biting response to have a smirk to it. "Uh, yeah! But don't you dare phone an ambulance, I am not going through any tox screens!" His chest was fluttering like a rodent's and he felt light-headed, like he was going to be sick. He couldn't even look at his arm so he stared intensely into Ferb's eyes to distract himself. "I don't know how-" he had to breathe, "-how long the drugs I made will be visible on a medical exam and I don't want any doctors to start getting ideas!"  
A few squeaky breaths were stifled as he bit down on his good hand. He did his best to calm down so he could return to a more rational and human Phineas.

 **/**  
"I wasn't planning on it." He set a few things down and handed Phineas a glass of water and the pain medicine. As he set up the rest of what he needed, he tried to keep his breathing normal. He carefully took Phineas' injured arm and began to feel out where the bones were. "They're not legally allowed to tell anyone about what they find unless they have your expressed permission, you realise," He said, taking in wear the break was as gently possible.

/  
Phineas grumpily nodded along, rolling his eyes as his shoulder twitched. "Yeah yeah, that's fine for coke or pot or heroin or whatever, but if they find a new drug that's never been seen before? That'll come back! Ow!" He twitched his wrist back in a huge automatic flinch, his just irritated expression igniting into fury for a few seconds. Then he caught himself and relaxed in Ferb's grip. He was fluttering with artificial anger, his instant response to fear or pain flaring up even as he tried to fight it to think more rationally. He knew he was being overdefensive. He wanted to be vulnerable. His brain was overriding this feeling of gentleness to keep him safe. So his expressions surged in waves from rage to meekness to frothing rabidity and back to neediness.  
"B-be careful, okay?"

 **/**  
Ferb gave him a soft wince. "As I can be. But I know what I'm doing." He found where the correction needed to be made, and he went back to the supplies. He grabbed a stack of padding and bundled it together, lifting his hand and bringing it to Phineas' face. His fingers tucked under Phineas' chin, and he let his thumb rest on his bottom lip. He opened Phineas' mouth and placed the padding there. "Bite down. All we have are these painkillers, so this next part is going to suck." He situated his chair closer to Phineas, laying his arm out on the table. Ferb's arms moved to either side of Phineas' broken wrist, forcing Phineas into a position where he could easily lean on Ferb's shoulder if he needed to. Ferb felt the placement a bit more before placing his fingers around the wound. "I'm sorry..." The words were quiet, but pointed, and then Ferb's fingers expertly clicked into action and shoved the bones back into place.

 **/**  
Phineas tensed when Ferb touched his mouth, suddenly feeling every nerve ending in his lips. He was in too much pain to dwell and followed that train of thought no further, but it was with an added tenderness that he curled his fingers into Ferb's shirt and tucked himself up at his side. Biting down hard on the padding, he waited that split second before the shove.  
His whole body seized and he let out a roar of muffled horror at the sensations that rocketed through his body. It felt like ripples in a pool of water rolling through him from the source of the breakage, battering him in fast, rhythmic waves of pain. His hands clenched into fists, straining the arm muscles and pushing out the tattoo as he buried his forehead into his brother's shoulder.

 **/**  
Ferb squeezed his eyes shut at Phineas' muffled scream. He held the arm in it's position for a while, getting it used to it, and letting Phineas curl into him for as long as he needed. Eventually, he pulled away. "Don't move this, okay?" He asked, lifting his hand up to remove the now mauled wad of padding from Phineas' mouth. "The rest of this should just be a dull ache." He had many things he wanted to say, but to Phineas, they would all seem patronizing. He turned to his supplies again and began to forge the wrap and cast for his arm. "I know you may not want to answer, but you can't exactly blame me for the curiosity; What on earth happened...?"

 **/**  
Phineas panted as the wad was removed, staring up at Ferb in need. He wanted hugs and fuss and affection as his arm throbbed on the table. Ferb had held him like a statue, he'd never felt so protected and immune from consequence. Looking miserable he sniffed and rubbed under his nose with his good arm, smearing dried blood down it.  
"Some deal went bad," Phineas huffed, tone implying that he had no more details to share. His tone returned to its usual numb fury. "Bunch of guys jumped me like cowards. Fuckers didn't want to take me on one-on-one in case I had a gun or something. Shit. Fuck!" The good side of his body clamped, desperate to erupt in violence.

 **/**  
Ferb fought the bubble of pain at Phineas' need. He couldn't give him what he assumed Phineas was looking for, but he would come as close as he was comfortable. He also fought with himself over how to respond. He couldn't condemn his actions, that would make him angry, but he had to say something. "I want to go with you on these jobs. I can't say you'll be in much shape to take on other uglies like the ones you dealt with today, but maybe if we're both there, they'll think twice. I can look quite menacing if I try." He tried some humour. He was so afraid for Phineas, but he was going to take his dad's advice and stick with it. He'd stay close and careful, and he would take care of him.

 **/**  
Phineas pouted. "I can take care of myself, yanno. I was doing pretty well- these guys were just different from normal." He waited for Ferb to set his wrist in a cast so half of him couldn't move, but this only made the good side more emotive. He gave Ferb a gentle flick on his nose, snuggling up close to him. It seemed only natural. "But fine, if that's what gets you off. You did say we'd do everything together again." His fear was soon disappating- Phineas never looked back so once a problem had been solved it was as if it never existed in the first place. Hurt feelings still hurt though, and those thugs were going to land in a very bad situation if they ever crossed his path again. He gave Ferb his normal mean, creasing smile and took him by the chin with one hand. "I think it's cute that you think you're a bodyguard. It makes me feel very special."

 **/**  
Ferb went a bit red at the closeness he'd forced them into. "I'm capable of more than you think. I grew up as a nerd in grades higher than I should have been in, I learned a few things. Hell, we grew up with Buford. Trust me, I can help." After a while, the cast was in place and set. He stood away from Phineas again and felt both pain and relief at the distance. He returned with a wet cloth and sat down again, beginning to clean away the blood from Phineas' nose. "I'd really rather not have to see you like this again... It scares me, and it kind of makes me a monster in my head." He admitted, brushing water over any cuts and blood he could find. He paused and brushed Phineas' hair out of his face to wipe down his forehead. "You are special."

 **/**  
Phineas snickered. "Buford is small-time. I could eat him for breakfast and I'm half his weight." He looked smug and naughty, knowing he was misbehaving as he kept his hand holding Ferb's head in place until the larger man pulled away.  
His endorphins were all over the place and he wasn't sure if he was teasing Ferb for the fun of it, punishing him for the long-term crime of leaving or legitimately flirting with him. He was drunk on post-fight chemicals and splashing about in the feeling of having the larger man tend to him like a pig in mud. Ferb was a strong man with a solid chest and a cute accent so apart from the pesky we-were-once-brothers thing he was enjoying the nursing on a very normal level; Ferb was hot.  
"You know what, Ferb?" he said as Ferb stood, "I'd rather not see myself like this either- it's not like I'm joining a Fight Club." At the first touch of the wet cloth he winced away, then settled and calmly let Ferb dab. His eyes flitted over Ferb's expressions, picking up minute changes in his skin tone and pupil dilation. Phineas knew his own feelings for Ferb but now, through careful analysis, he was realising that these feelings were returned. "And thanks, I know," he added, distracted.

 **/**  
Ferb managed a small smile. He continued tending to Phineas' various injuries until Phineas was free of torn and bloody clothes and in another of his outfits. His skin was clean of blood and all cuts were bandaged and bruises were salved. As soon as he was done, Ferb sat beside him again with a deep sigh of utter relief, knowing that Phineas would heal well with what he'd done. He'd gotten very good at fixing injuries when he had no hospital. He'd fixed a coworker's broken leg in a similar way; he been superior at many things he was trained for. The only thing he'd never tested on the field was taking someone out. Ferb had never killed anyone. He'd seen it happen, but because of his age, everyone usually went out of their way to ensure he never had to. Ferb wasn't really in any hurry to test that.  
Lost in his train of thought, he realised his gaze had drifted to the injured redhead in the chair next to him. He'd kill for him. Something in Ferb's gut ached. He shook his head. "Sorry."

 **/**  
Phineas considered a few courses of action as Ferb fussed over him in his trademark silence. He was loose and easy to move, extending arms when asked and tilting his head wherever he was guided- he was a good patient. Surprisingly so considering what a fidgeter he normally was, which was a good sign that he was deep in his own thoughts. Once they'd settled beside one another he looked the other man up and down, still weighing up options when Ferb apologised. He gave him an odd look before snorting mockingly at him. "For what?" He stood up and took Ferb by the collar, dragging him to the couch where they could sit down properly. Once there he lounged back, taking up most of the space in an automatic alpha move, draping his arms along the back and letting his knees loll apart. "Yeah Ferb, I really blame you for fixing my arm up so well. How dare you."

 **/**  
The smile returned. "More that it happened. I feel like I should have gone with you. I just figured maybe you'd want to be alone." He watched him for a moment before glancing at his couch. "You've all but claimed my sleeping arrangement." He said, arching a brow. "If you wanted the couch, why didn't you just say so?" He asked. He let his hands wander to Phineas' casted arm, tugged it from behind the couch and checking his work. "Can you feel your fingers? It's not too tight?"

 **/**  
Phineas groaned at Ferb's first comment. "Oh God, Ferb I so don't need you to take care of me! Trust me," he raised his broken arm, "This is not the worst injury I've ever had. It's not even my worst fight. The last thing I want is my little brother acting like a bodyguard and giving people the wrong idea. You know, it'll make 'em twitchy."  
At the mention of Ferb's sleeping arrangements he glanced around. "You wanted to share my bed." A spark of something snapped across his eyes and he gave Ferb a wry smirk. "What happened to that? I was looking forward to it." He snatched his cast from Ferb to stop him worrying over it, then leaned forward to very gently rest his hand on Ferb's knee. He did everything he could to keep the gesture being too obviously forward, but it was still a surprisingly intimate gesture. "Stop it with the guilt trips, okay?"

/

Ferb flinched. "Well you won't be getting worse while you're with me, so that'll be your last big injury if I can help it." Phineas' hand burned on his knee, but he hid it well. "I just... figured it would be easier to sleep separately. For now." He sat there with Phineas' hand scalding his leg, trying to keep it from bouncing with nerves. Eventually he tugged himself away and stood up. "You need some water, you might be dehydrated." He made it to the fridge and stuck his head in, taking in the coolness to keep his head from overheating. Phineas was pushing the limits of what Ferb was willing to ignore. They'd come this far, and Phineas seemed chipper despite his wounds. Ferb didn't want to ruin it. He grabbed a few bottles of water and returned to Phineas' side. "Drink these. I think you should go upstairs and sleep.

/

Phineas watched Ferb leave with a knowing, raised eyebrow. "Sure, whatever!" he called through, sounding casual if exhasperated as he watched his brother flee. He was starting to piece together the way Ferb felt and he looked rather more sneaky when the other man returned. Accepting the water, he set it aside and rolled his eyes. "That's your answer to everything- I'm not tired and you're not my mom." He reached up and yanked Ferb down next to him, kicking his feet up onto the sofa and tucking in his legs, leaning into him.  
"Dude," he smirked and flicked some hair from Ferb's bangs back into place, "Chill out. One fight is no big deal, and I'm sure as hell not going to bed unless you're there too."

/  
Ferb fought his better judgement and stared down at his lap instead of at Phineas. "...All right." He dared, fiddling with the sheet that had been bunched up in the corner of the couch. He could handle sleeping in the same bed; it would be fine. "I thought maybe you needed space, but... just let me know, I guess." The closeness was making him uneasy. Unfortunately that was because it was stirring that painful excitement again. Sometimes it wound so tightly, he figured that it would be easier to give in and let it come out, but that would be wrong. Phineas was his brother, that's what they had been before. That's what they were now.

/  
Phineas ducked his head to meet Ferb's lowered eyes, bringing them so close that the minor heat radiating from Phineas' skin could be felt. His expression was one of gentleness and sweetness, one that now looked unnatural on his sallow and angular face. His tired eyes on made him look more kind. "Why the hell would you think I need space?" His good hand rested on Ferb's shoulder, fingertips brushing against his shirt until the palm settled. He slunk like a cat.  
His head was swimming and his rotted impulse control gave no resistance. He couldn't tell what was love and what was lust, but his sense of consequence was so poor that to him it didn't matter. Nothing unforgivable had been said, he hadn't put his hands anywhere where they shouldn't have been, but he was flirting. He was doing everything he could to make Ferb break, just also making sure he could deny everything if he was asked.

/  
It took everything Ferb had not to be selfish. He could have easily taken what Phineas wanted to give him. It wasn't as if Phineas would protest. But he couldn't. "I just assumed. We've been sleeping alone without each other for years, and this was a really sudden move... And you said you don't trust me, so I suppose I just thought you wanted it." He forced himself to overpower his inner neediness and leaned on the arm of the couch, away from Phineas.

/  
Phineas' eyes drooped half shut as he leaned further into Ferb, the larger man's retreat only forcing him to recline further along the guy's body. He kept his wounded arm tucked to his side but his free arm helped guide him so close to Ferb that their legs almost entwined. He looked teasing and exasperated, like Ferb was being an idiot, but he was smiling. "Sure I don't trust you. Doesn't mean I don't like you, or that I don't wanna share a bed with you." He locked gaze with Ferb, like a snake hypnotising a prey, and leaned in closer. That shared look was infinitely knowing- it told Ferb that Phineas was picking up on every signal and interpreting them correctly.

/  
Ferb's nerves pooled in his hands, which baked into fists as he lifted his head to look at Phineas. The red head was inches away, eyes suggestive and lips very ready. Ferb's fists released and laid flat on Phineas' shoulders. Ferb had broken, but not the way that Phineas wanted. He pushed Phineas away from him. "What are you doing?" The question came out harsher than he wanted it to. "Phineas, we're brothers." He'd settled into a cold personality he gained when in missions where he needed to avoid his emotions.

 **/**  
Phineas' eyes widened in shock and he flushed pink. "What? What did you think I was doing?!" He backed up in a scramble, only just remembering to be gentle on his broken wrist. He gave Ferb a snotty sort of glare and stood up, brushing himself down and doing everything he could to stifle his heartbeat and feelings of embarrassment. "Jesus, where the hell did your mind go, you sick jerk?!" Despite what he was saying, denying everything because technically there'd been no proof he'd even started hitting on him, he gave Ferb a glare of hurt. He knew there was mutual affection, and he knew Ferb was too afraid to return it. What he didn't know was why, and that was what made him upset.

 **/**  
Ferb have him a calculated glare in return. He knew exactly what Phineas was doing, and there was no mistaking that. "If it's all the same to you, I'm sleeping on the couch." He said, standing up and grabbing one of the bottles of water. "Finish your water and go rest. Mothering or not, it will help, it's the most basic of doctors orders for anything. If you need Melatonin, there's some in the first aid kit." He grabbed a small box from the table, his own cigarettes that hadn't been touched in ages, and went out on the patio, shutting the door behind him.

 **/**  
Phineas stared at him, open-mouthed and impotently furious as Ferb walked out. He could feel what little pride and relief he'd built up these few days shatter into a thousand pieces. Being rejected felt like a fist squeezing the life out of his heart, but it wasn't just the act of letting him down. It hadn't been gentle- Ferb had been cold. He thought he at least deserved a few kind words rather than being shut inside like a dog - especially since he knew the other man was labouring under the same feelings. That was what made him mad enough to kick his brother's coffee table across the room in a thundering clatter. "Sleep wherever the fuck you want! I'm getting out of here!" His shouts were muffled through the glass, but still audible. He hurled the water bottle against the wall and stormed out, but at least the fact that he'd not packed anything meant it wasn't for good.

 **/**  
Ferb heard the shout and the door slam, and for a moment he did nothing as the cigarette burned between his lips. As soon as he was sure Phineas was away, the shield broke and Ferb crumpled to his knees. The cigarette rolled away, and Ferb sobbed against the fence. He couldn't take this much longer. It was going to come out, and now he wasn't sure if Phineas would ever forgive him.


End file.
